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  • What Makes a Leader? Emotional Intelligence – Volleyball Coach Chuck Rey | Volleyball Blog | College Volleyball Coach
    his Finally the executive had himself videotaped in meetings and asked those who worked for and with him to critique his ability to acknowledge and understand the feelings of others It took several months but the executive s emotional intelligence did ultimately rise and the improvement was reflected in his overall performance on the job It s important to emphasize that building one s emotional intelligence cannot will not happen without sincere desire and concerted effort A brief seminar won t help nor can one buy a how to manual It is much harder to learn to empathize to internalize empathy as a natural response to people than it is to become adept at regression analysis But it can be done Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm wrote Ralph Waldo Emerson If your goal is to become a real leader these words can serve as a guidepost in your efforts to develop high emotional intelligence Self Awareness Self awareness is the first component of emotional intelligence which makes sense when one considers that the Delphic oracle gave the advice to know thyself thousands of years ago Self awareness means having a deep understanding of one s emotions strengths weaknesses needs and drives People with strong self awareness are neither overly critical norunrealistically hopeful Rather they are honest with themselves and with others People who have a high degree of self awareness recognize how their feelings affect them other people and heir job performance Thus a self aware person who knows that tight deadlines bring out the worst in him plans his time carefully and gets his work done well in advance Another person with high self awareness will be able to work with a demanding client She will understand the client s impact on her moods and the deeper reasons for her frustration Their trivial demands take us away from the real work that needs to be done she might explain And she will go one step further and turn her anger into something constructive Self awareness extends to a person s understanding of his or her values and goals Someone who is highly self aware knows where he is headed and why so for example he will be able to be firm in turning down a job offer that is tempting financially but does not fit with his principles or long term goals A person who lacks self awareness is apt to make decisions that bring on inner turmoil by treading on buried values The money looked good so I signed on someone might say two years into a job but the work means so little to me that I m constantly bored The decisions of self aware people mesh with their values consequently they often find work to be energizing How can one recognize self awareness First and foremost it shows itself as candor and an ability to assess oneself realistically People with high self awareness are able to speak accurately and openly although not necessarily effusively or confessionally about their emotions and the impact they have on their work For instance one manager I know of was skeptical about a new personal shopper service that her company a major department store chain was about to introduce Without prompting from her team or her boss she offered them an explanation It s hard for me to get behind the rollout of this service she admitted because I really wanted to run the project but I wasn t selected Bear with me while I deal with that The manager did indeed examine her feelings a week later she was supporting the project fully Such self knowledge often shows itself in the hiring process Ask a candidate to describe a time he got carried away by his feelings and did something he later regretted Self aware candidates will be frank in admitting to failure and will often tell their tales with a smile One of the hallmarks of self awareness is a self deprecating sense of humor Self awareness can also be identified during performance reviews Self aware people know and are comfortable talking about their limitations and strengths and they often demonstrate a thirst for constructive criticism By contrast people with low self awareness interpret the message that they need to improve as a threat or a sign of failure Self aware people can also be recognized by their self confidence They have a firm grasp of their capabilities and are less likely to set themselves up to fail by for example overstretching on assignments They know too when to ask for help And the risks they take on the job are calculated They won t ask for a challenge that they know they can t handle alone They ll play to their strengths Consider the actions of a midlevel employee who was invited to sit in on a strategy meeting with her company s top executives Although she was the most junior person in the room she did not sit there quietly listening in awestruck or fearful silence She knew she had a head for clear logic and the skill to present ideas persuasively and she offered cogent suggestions about the company s strategy At the same time her self awareness stopped her from wandering into territory where she knew she was weak Despite the value of having self aware people in the workplace my research indicates that senior executives don t often give self awareness the credit it deserves when they look for potential leaders Many executives mistake candor about feelings for wimpiness and fail to give due respect to employees who openly acknowledge their shortcomings Such people are too readily dismissed as not tough enough to lead others In fact the opposite is true In the first place people generally admire and respect candor Furthermore leaders are constantly required to make judgment calls that require a candid assessment of capabilities their own and those of others Do we have the management expertise to acquire a competitor Can we launch a new product within six months People who assess themselves honestly that is self aware people are well suited to do the same for the organizations they run Self Regulation Biological impulses drive our emotions We cannot do away with them but we can do much to manage them Self regulation which is like an ongoing inner conversation is the component of emotional intelligence that frees us from being prisoners of our feelings People engaged in such a conversation feel bad moods and emotional impulses just as everyone else does but they find ways to control them and even to channel them in useful ways Imagine an executive who has just watched a team of his employees present a botched analysis to the company s board of directors In the gloom that follows the executive might find himself tempted to pound on the table in anger or kick over a chair He could leap up and scream at the group Or he might maintain a grim silence glaring at everyone before stalking off But if he had a gift for self regulation he would choose a different approach He would pick his words carefully acknowledging the team s poor performance without rushing to any hasty judgment He would then step back to consider the reasons for the failure Are they personal a lack of effort Are there any mitigating factors What was his role in the debacle After considering these questions he would call the team together lay out the incident s consequences and offer his feelings about it He would then present his analysis of the problem and a well considered solution Why does self regulation matter so much for leaders First of all people who are in control of their feelings and impulses that is people who are reasonable are able to create an environment of trust and fairness In such an environment politics and infighting are sharply reduced and productivity is high Talented people flock to the organization and aren t tempted to leave And self regulation has a trickle down effect No one wants to be known as a hothead when the boss is known for her calm approach Fewer bad moods at the top mean fewer throughout the organization Second self regulation is important for competitive reasons Everyone knows that business today is rife with ambiguity and change Companies merge and break apart regularly Technology transforms work at a dizzying pace People who have mastered their emotions are able to roll with the changes When a new program is announced they don t panic instead they are able to suspend judgment seek out information and listen to the executives as they explain the new program As the initiative moves forward these people are able to move with it Sometimes they even lead the way Consider the case of a manager at a large manufacturing company Like her colleagues she had used a certain software program for five years The program drove how she collected and reported data and how she thought about the company s strategy One day senior executives announced that a new program was to be installed that would radically change how information was gathered and assessed within the organization While many people in the company complained bitterly about how disruptive the change would be the manager mulled over the reasons for the new program and was convinced of its potential to improve performance She eagerly attended training sessions some of her colleagues refused to do so and was eventually promoted to run several divisions in part because she used the new technology so effectively I want to push the importance of self regulation to leadership even further and make the case that it enhances integrity which is not only a personal virtue but also an organizational strength Many of the bad things that happen in companies are a function of impulsive behavior People rarely plan to exaggerate profits pad expense accounts dip into the till or abuse power for selfish ends Instead an opportunity presents itself and people with low impulse control just say yes By contrast consider the behavior of the senior executive at a large food company The executive was scrupulously honest in his negotiations with local distributors He would routinely lay out his cost structure in detail thereby giving the distributors a realistic understanding of the company s pricing This approach meant the executive couldn t always drive a hard bargain Now on occasion he felt the urge to increase profits by withholding information about the company s costs But he challenged that impulse he saw that it made more sense in the long run to counteract it His emotional self regulation paid off in strong lasting relationships with distributors that benefited the company more than any short term financial gains would have The signs of emotional self regulation therefore are easy to see a propensity for reflection and thoughtfulness comfort with ambiguity and change and integrity an ability to say no to impulsive urges Like self awareness self regulation often does not get its due People who can master their emotions are sometimes seen as cold fish their considered responses are taken as a lack of passion People with fiery temperaments are frequently thought of as classic leaders their outbursts are considered hallmarks of charisma and power But when such people make it to the top their impulsiveness often works against them In my research extreme displays of negative emotion have never emerged as a driver of good leadership Motivation If there is one trait that virtually all effective leaders have it is motivation They are driven to achieve beyond expectations their own and everyone else s The key word here is achieve Plenty of people are motivated by external factors such as a big salary or the status that comes from having an impressive title or being part of a prestigious company By contrast those with leadership potential are motivated by a deeply embedded desire to achieve for the sake of achievement If you are looking for leaders how can you identify people who are motivated by the drive to achieve rather than by external rewards The first sign is a passion for the work itself such people seek out creative challenges love to learn and take great pride in a job well done They also display an unflagging energy to do things better People with such energy often seem restless with the status quo They are persistent with their questions about why things are done one way rather than another they are eager to explore new approaches to their work A cosmetics company manager for example was frustrated that he had to wait two weeks to get sales results from people in the field He finally tracked down an automated phone system that would beep each of his salespeople at 5 pm every day An automated message then prompted them to punch in their numbers how many calls and sales they had made that day The system shortened the feedback time on sales results from weeks to hours That story illustrates two other common traits of people who are driven to achieve They are forever raising the performance bar and they like to keep score Take the performance bar first During performance reviews people with high levels of motivation might ask to be stretched by their superiors Of course an employee who combines self awareness with internal motivation will recognize her limits but she won t settle for objectives that seem too easy to fulfill And it follows naturally that people who are driven to do better also want a way of tracking progress their own their team s and their company s Whereas people with low achievement motivation are often fuzzy about results those with high achievement motivation often keep score by tracking such hard measures as profitability or market share I know of a money manager who starts and ends his day on the Internet gauging the performance of his stock fund against four industry set benchmarks Interestingly people with high motivation remain optimistic even when the score is against them In such cases self regulation combines with achievement motivation to overcome the frustration and depression that come after a setback or failure Take the case of an another portfolio manager at a large investment company After several successful years her fund tumbled for three consecutive quarters leading three large institutional clients to shift their business elsewhere Some executives would have blamed the nosedive on circumstances outside their control others might have seen the setback as evidence of personal failure This portfolio manager however saw an opportunity to prove she could lead a turnaround Two years later when she was promoted to a very senior level in the company she described the experience as the best thing that ever happened to me I learned so much from it Executives trying to recognize high levels of achievement motivation in their people can look for one last piece of evidence commitment to the organization When people love their jobs for the work itself they often feel committed to the organizations that make that work possible Committed employees are likely to stay with an organization even when they are pursued by headhunters waving money It s not difficult to understand how and why a motivation to achieve translates into strong leadership If you set the performance bar high for yourself you will do the same for the organization when you are in a position to do so Likewise a drive to surpass goals and an interest in keeping score can be contagious Leaders with these traits can often build a team of managers around them with the same traits And of course optimism and organizational commitment are fundamental to leadership just try to imagine running a company without them Empathy Of all the dimensions of emotional intelligence empathy is the most easily recognized We have all felt the empathy of a sensitive teacher or friend we have all been struck by its absence in an unfeeling coach or boss But when it comes to business we rarely hear people praised let alone rewarded for their empathy The very word seems unbusinesslike out of place amid the tough realities of the marketplace But empathy doesn t mean a kind of I m OK you re OK mushiness For a leader that is it doesn t mean adopting other people s emotions as one s own and trying to please everybody That would be a nightmare it would make action impossible Rather empathy means thoughtfully considering employees feelings along with other factors in the process of making intelligent decisions For an example of empathy in action consider what happened when two giant brokerage companies merged creating redundant jobs in all their divisions One division manager called his people together and gave a gloomy speech that emphasized the number of people who would soon be fired The manager of another division gave his people a different kind of speech He was up front about his own worry and confusion and he promised to keep people informed and to treat everyone fairly The difference between these two managers was empathy The first manager was too worried about his own fate to consider the feelings of his anxiety stricken colleagues The second knew intuitively what his people were feeling and he acknowledged their fears with his words Is it any surprise that the first manager saw his division sink as many demoralized people especially the most talented departed By contrast the second manager continued to be a strong leader his best people stayed and his division remained as productive as ever Empathy is particularly important today as a component of leadership for at least three reasons the increasing use of teams the rapid pace of globalization and the growing need to retain talent Consider the challenge of leading a team As anyone who has ever been a part

    Original URL path: http://coachrey.com/mental/what-makes-a-leader-emotional-intelligence/ (2016-04-26)
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  • What Players Hear – Volleyball Coach Chuck Rey | Volleyball Blog | College Volleyball Coach
    patience to repeat myself repeat myself repeat myself and I often wonder if players even hear me If they are hearing me Are they comprehending what they are hearing Do I need to clarify it again say it differently spell it out for them The following spelling bee fail which actually is not a fail at all is a good reminder to me on why I need to continue to

    Original URL path: http://coachrey.com/mental/what-players-hear/ (2016-04-26)
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  • Failure and Imagination by J.K. Rowling – Volleyball Coach Chuck Rey | Volleyball Blog | College Volleyball Coach
    Potter Failure is the stripping away of the inessential I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me I was set free because my greatest fear had been realized It is impossible to life without failing at something unless you lived so cautiously you might as well not have lived at all You fail by default Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way I discovered that I had a strong will and more discipline than I had suspected I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are ever after secure in your ability to survive You will never truly know yourself or the strength of your relationships until both have been tested by adversity Such knowledge is a true gift for all that it is painfully won Share this Click to share on Twitter Opens

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  • Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. on Leadership – Volleyball Coach Chuck Rey | Volleyball Blog | College Volleyball Coach
    commit themselves to it The people are looking to me for leadership and if I stand before them without strength and courage they too will falter COMMITTED COMPELLED If a man hasn t discovered something that he will die for he isn t fit to live CONFIDENCE I have a dream my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character I have a dream today COMPOSURE The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy CHARACTER The time is always right to do what is right There comes a time when one must take the position that is neither safe nor political nor popular but he must do it because his conscience tells him it is right VOCAL LEADERSHIP I will not be intimidated I will not be harassed I will not be silent and I will be heard SERVANT LEADERSHIP A man all wrapped up in himself is a mighty small package CONFIDENCE BUILDER We ve got some difficult days ahead But it doesn t matter with me now Because I ve been to the mountaintop I ve seen the promised land I may not get there with you But I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land REFOCUSER The first thing we must do here tonight is to decide we are not going to become panicky That we are going to be calm and we are going to continue to stand up for what is right Fear not we ve come too far to turn back we are not afraid

    Original URL path: http://coachrey.com/mental/dr-martin-luther-king-jr-on-leadership/ (2016-04-26)
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  • Christiano Ronaldo – Tested to the Limits – Volleyball Coach Chuck Rey | Volleyball Blog | College Volleyball Coach
    Indoor Mental Nutrition Resources Skills Statistics Video More Volleyball Videos Home Mental Christiano Ronaldo Tested to the Limits Christiano Ronaldo Tested to the Limits The 2nd video proves again why reading the game is so important Share this Click to share on Twitter Opens in new window Click to share on Facebook Opens in new window Click to share on Google Opens in new window Related Christiano Ronaldo 2011 09

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  • Me We They Volleyball – Volleyball Coach Chuck Rey | Volleyball Blog | College Volleyball Coach
    thought processes have to be automatic What are my hitter strengths weaknesses what play set needs to be run in this rotation now make the appropriate set call whistle A setter has to think about WE the team Coaches are similar in the WE phase In this phase coaches learn develop and lead the team through thought processes structure and assigning roles among many many other coaching duties Examples include How does a head coach empower and direct the assistant coaches managers strength trainers nutritionist etc What information do outside hitters need to be successful What are the strengths of our passing rotations How do I best work the line up so our libero is in optimal location The list goes on and on I believe coaches spend a majority of their time in the WE phase Again at Minnesota a statement that Lindsey Berg said during one of those brainstorming sessions has stuck with me I spend hours and hours watching opponent video Lindsey is completely confident in ME and as completely confident in her team WE What I believe sets her apart is her knowledge and dedication of THEY She spends an extraordinary amount of time studying the opponent She understand the opponent as much as her own team She knows the opponent strengths and weaknesses and knows what it will take from her and how to direct her teammates to exploit the opponent The THEY phase is about the opponent and knowing everything there is to know about them Lindsey is fully developed in the ME WE and THEY phase making her a complete player and is one of the best Great coaches also fall into the THEY category I recall University of Florida Head Coach Mary Wise at an AVCA Convention Educational Seminar discussing the strengths and weaknesses of the Florida line ups She specifically discussed the match ups of the NCAA Tournament match of Florida versus Penn State She believed that the University of Florida would match up very well to Penn State in all rotations EXCEPT if Penn State started in rotation 4 A sarcastic yet disgruntled Coach Wise exclaimed Guess which line up Coach Russ Rose started his team in Rotation 4 Russ Rose is an expert in the ME WE and THEY phases As discussed with Mike Hebert during our brainstorming session of extraordinary players and the levels created many collegiate players are proficient in Level 1 and many items of Level 2 some dabble in Level 3 and some will touch a few items in Level 4 and Level 5 It is the extraordinary players that consistently achieve the most skills and mental processes in all Levels 1 5 Me We They is a contiguous thought process and a tool that helps me to coach players When I understand the phase a player is in I understand how to best guide them When I understand the phase I am coaching in I can better guide myself through a particular situation Share

    Original URL path: http://coachrey.com/coaching-volleyball/me-we-they-volleyball/ (2016-04-26)
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  • 76 Life Quotes – Volleyball Coach Chuck Rey | Volleyball Blog | College Volleyball Coach
    good You can change everything today if you want to or you can keep living the life you ve always lived It s up to you but remember this every moment is an opportunity to change your life Success 31 All that we are is the result of what we have thought Buddha Your thought patterns and beliefs determine your life If you are not happy with where you are take a look at what beliefs are holding you back from having the life you want 32 Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work Aristotle Find your passion and purpose in life Love what you do and the end result will reflect it If you do the work with joy you will have no trouble perfecting every detail 33 God helps those who help themselves Benjamin Franklin This is an excellent way of saying that once you start taking action the pieces of the puzzle start falling into place I ve experienced this first hand It wasn t until I showed the universe I was serious that I started getting lucky 34 That some achieve great success is proof to all that others can achieve it as well Abraham Lincoln You can do what you love There are people just like you doing what you want to do I may have different strengths than you but in the end that doesn t matter If I am more tech savvy than you doesn t matter We all have to find our own path 35 A jug fills drop by drop Buddha You do not need a crystal ball Knowing what steps to take makes life boring Take life one day at a time Enjoy the surprises life throws at you 36 We are what we repeatedly do Excellence then is not an act but a habit Aristotle Don t look at successful people and feel like you are not enough You are comparing yourself to someone who has worked hard at perfecting his craft All you can do is start If you want to get good at something go do it 37 Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind Bruce Lee Keep an open mind when you are following your passion There will be surprises and obstacles on your path What impact they have is determined by you You have the ability to choose if they are positive or negative Be flexible Be like bamboo 38 A goal is not always meant to be reached it often serves simply as something to aim at Bruce Lee What your goal is doesn t matter as long as it is something that inspires you to take action There are is no reason to be overly serious about what you do Think back to your childhood years and your playfulness Emulate it and your life becomes effortless 39 The gem cannot be polished without friction nor man perfected without trials Chinese Proverb In order for you to be successful you will have to go through trials You will make mistakes you will screw up and you will be scared It s a part of life so stop running away from it and start running towards it 40 Everyone who got where he is has had to begin where he was Robert Louis Stevenson It s easy to look at someone who s already rocking it when you yourself haven t even gotten started It s easy to forget that the one you admire has been where you are It s easy to forget so remind yourself of the fact that we are all the same and if that is true you can do this as well even if you doubt yourself 41 Fall seven times Stand up eight Japanese Proverb The most successful people are the most persistent When I began my journey with making my passion a reality I didn t succeed right away I didn t give up which is why I am here today 42 The path to success is to take massive determined action Tony Robbins Take action Take Action Take action I can t say it enough If you want something you have to take action Plan learn and absorb as much as you want but without action you will never get to where you want to be 43 Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety nine percent perspiration Thomas A Edison This is another good quote illustrating the importance of action How many ideas you have doesn t matter The only thing that matters is that you take action Wisdom 44 When the solution is simple God is answering Albert Einstein The human mind has a funny tendency of trying to make everything complex It takes effort to keep things simple The more stuff you can eliminate from your plate the more you get done Focus on simplicity 45 Know thyself Plato We are all different You have to find how you work and what makes you happy Stop looking at others for answers and find your own It takes time but there s no rush anywhere Enjoy the process because that s what life is about 46 If you do not change direction you may end up where you are heading Lao Tzu If you re unhappy you can t expect something or someone outside of yourself to fix it You are the only one responsible for your life If you want to change and start living with passion you are the one that has to act 47 Without feelings of respect what is there to distinguish men from beasts Confucius There is so much war going on in the world We need to start treating each other with respect We are the same species We are brothers and sisters living on the same planet We are in this together Everything that separates us from each other should be reconsidered 48 Only

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  • Regression to the Mean – Volleyball Coach Chuck Rey | Volleyball Blog | College Volleyball Coach
    feedback was inconsequential However most coaches assume the improved attempt resulted from the punishment hence the misconception that punishment is more effective than positive reinforcement The continuation of poor coaching behaviors can be understood by the Regression to the Mean scenario discussed above Let s assume that the goal is to have continual improvement in performance In this scenario when the coach praises an attempt he is rewarded with a performance than is poorer than the one he just praised His good coaching behavior results in not only the apparent consequences of extinction he is not getting what he wants i e continuous improvement of performance but also in punishment he is getting what he doesn t want i e worsening performance However when he criticizes the athlete s poor performance he is rewarded with improved performance positive immediate certain reinforcement Is it any wonder we are inclined to yell and be critical of our athletes Because of this tendency for our good behaviors to receive the consequences of punishment and extinction and our bad behaviors to receive positive immediate certain reinforcement we must be continually vigilant to avoid this trap We must be content with future uncertain consequences and not give in to the extinctive consequences and punishments This is no easy task however if we have our own process goals with time lines for each it is easier to avoid the trap The results of failing to recognize regression to the mean is amply demonstrated in the following newspaper report during the 2007 2008 college basketball season LUBBOCK Texas AP Pat Knight ratcheted up practice his own way after Texas Tech lost by 44 points earlier this week It seemed to make a difference in his players efforts as the Red Raiders beat No 5 Texas 83 80

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