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  • Remote Viewing Firedocs Collection - PJ Gaenir's Archives
    of an understanding between us She looked human to me but was not that was all I knew There was a man in the room with her sitting facing her He was extremely handsome but I somehow knew that he was extremely alien and the human part was a disguise even though he looked like a normal guy I didn t feel he was I was drawn to him by his beauty and by my incredible loneliness but I sensed that he was really icy he had no feelings at all and no sympathy for me So I ignored him and directed myself to the warden I had reached the end of my tolerance I requested that she talk with me and she agreed I said I d like you guys to kill me now please I took the drastic approach on purpose She seemed confused as if I had seemed so rational until then and she hadn t heard such a request before I told her that the time was killing me I could not stand another eon of time spent in the white cell with nothing to do with the man who wouldn t wake up I explained that my ability for captivity had come to an end and if they didn t kill me I would have to kill myself It wasn t that I wanted to die it was just that I couldn t live any longer under those conditions and I had no other choice She seemed sympathetic as if in our communication she felt more of my emotion than my words and identified with me which relieved me and I hoped something would be done to free me Just then I heard a noise and into her office comes stumbling the man from my room he s awake But he s only semi awake and his eyes are wide and he s half wild He s asking questions so fast I can t even understand him His voice and volume are getting higher and louder by the second He won t shut up for even a moment going right into hysteria everything he saw seemed to make him more upset and I disliked him even more I had finally gotten a serious conversation with the warden I thought I was getting somewhere with her and now of all times the jerk has to wake up just to insure he destroys the first important conversation I remembered having in eons The man sitting in her office barked something at him The dark haired guy turned took one look at him and just freaked out He screamed and threw himself at the guy in attack and ripped part of his face off He threw it across the room and it landed near me I looked at it in mild revulsion thinking how odd it was that it wasn t really bloody or anything I picked it up with two fingers There was a box on or next to the woman s desk a small box There was something in it some item I don t know what I took it out and another item appeared there I took that out and another one appeared I looked at it with confusion There was a place on it that seemed appropriate to push so I did and the object inside it vanished I suddenly realized that this was an actual working transporter It was like a small desk version for supplies and such I knew that this was the technology that was supposed to get me somewhere safe from that elevator box in the earlier memory I dropped the piece of face into the box and it disappeared The dark haired man s shouts abruptly stopped and as I turned back toward them I felt as if a thunderbolt a sound that shocked my whole body at once hit me o0o The next thing I remember I was peering secretly spying around the corner of a room which was just off the room of the warden across a sort of curving hallway The alien man is lying on some kind of table with what seem like machines around and the warden is using some machine to repair his face I know that I have free run of my room and the hall and her office because she likes me and we get along well and I behave I wonder where the man from my cell is The next thing I remember I m lying in bed and the warden comes in to see me I sit up and she sits next to me She tells me in an odd mental emotional way without many specific words that she has come to be affectionate about me and is sorry to see me go She says that she understood my request for release and it has now been arranged At this point I got alarmed and thought What has been arranged My freedom or my death She gestured toward a white soft wall of our room and suddenly it was transparent Through it I could see another wall the opposite wall of another room I hadn t realized was right behind us where the walls were much harder There were these doors with round portholes in them right next to each other all along the wall Two of them are filled with that familiar blue gel like stuff it s like a thin blue jello texture but not that shade it was lighter kind of like a deep pool The woman tells me that she is sending them away as well In one is the dark haired guy He appears to be drowned in it In retrospect I think he was just unconscious In the other is the alien guy who is fully conscious he s just standing there as the liquid fills I try to look at him closely but I can t The harder I try to make

    Original URL path: http://www.firedocs.com/remoteviewing/pjarchives/pj_BlondeJihad.cfm (2016-02-13)
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  • Remote Viewing Firedocs Collection - PJ Gaenir's Archives
    now of all times for me to realize this I remembered little pieces of my life around age 10 spontaneously of pneumonia and my stepmother working so hard trying desperately to save me at home of the wonderful dizzy spells that went on for hours where it felt like me and my bed were just spinning weightlessly through space of how dad came into my room and in this odd voice said my temperature was 106 degrees Farenheit and if it didn t go down my brain would fry and I would die And then he abruptly left the room it was quite odd but I assumed he was upset and how when I finally went back to school after years of bad marks for writing that was all but illegible I won the handwriting award for my class it changed dramatically overnight And then I thought about my life up to age 10 About mom and her dying when I was 9 and her coming and telling me about it while I slept and then me finding out almost two days later that she had died and right around the time I d dreamed her And I wondered if she knew that I or rather she her daughter had left this body and how she felt about it I wondered where the little girl who still felt like me went when I came in And then I realized that mom mommy as I still think of her wasn t mine I m just holding the genetic memories of someone who died and while the body I was living in might be descended from mommy suddenly mommy isn t my mommy anymore Taken away Give it up part of me said tonelessly she was dead before you even got here My stomach clenched and I cried again and shouted out loud Who am I What am I if I m not me But I got no answer and I didn t know How do you just toss your soul into somebody else s body Surely it s gotta be a little more difficult than Legos for chrissake I mean this is serious But I didn t know Then I wondered what my dad would think God my father whom I love so much my identity had a hard time separating from his influence for so long I wondered would he resent me Would he think I had taken over his little girl s life But he loved me right he s my dad right And then I realized well he s not really your dad he was her dad And another part of me argued But he s been mine since then he s just as much mine now I felt loathsome about it I wanted him to be mine The entire concept that my entire life to age 10 all the things I felt composed me were merely genetic memories of someone else was more than my brain could

    Original URL path: http://www.firedocs.com/remoteviewing/pjarchives/pj_WalkingOut.cfm (2016-02-13)
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  • Remote Viewing Firedocs Collection - PJ Gaenir's Archives
    my belief in Something both belief as a thing and Something as a thing were delusions The tenuous vague thing that called itself Me resisted Dissolving feeling myself melting as if I were being deconstructed and sucked into something at the sub atomic level I knew I had to let go of the somethings those vague illusions I was holding to and join Nothingness voluntarily as a merge But this was not equality I was merging into but not with We were not sharing equally the identity that resulted We could not coexist And it struck me as the Absolute and as the fundamental creation of the universe and as the supreme of sorrow and yet home And I realized there was no choice it was already so choice was only acceptance The last shred of remote me ness let out a cry of dying anguish and I flung the remainder of myself in feeling like a still beating heart sacrificed to the ultimate in horror a solitary god who is Nothingness I was dead beyond death I ceased to exist o0o It was so traumatic I never spoke of it Not to anybody Didn t talk of it because my conscious mind couldn t deal with it I couldn t ponder it because I couldn t even bring myself to think of it Despite my occasional journalizing of my life I couldn t write it down I refused to imagine the results of it It took months to even realize it fully enough to put it in one cohesive somewhat linear form writing it down It was shocking and awe inspiring just to go through the memory from a distance while writing it months later I d been aware of my reaction to it but barely of the event itself But once I d gone through it I saw this was actually related to things Losing your identity in such a complete way is really in effect losing the illusion of fixed reality It s like going behind it all like going behind the screen like realizing that the picture on the movie screen is really just a bunch of dots of light arranged in a certain manner And that even the light itself is merely a creative composition It s an evolution of sorts if painful Not just painful Horrible beyond any description There are both polarities I think there s probably an equal experience of being everything as there is being nothing however I understand immediately that they are actually the same thing All these new age rainbow bright types with their oneness would die screaming like a shredded cat there in my opinion I don t think you can be All without being Nothing because they are the same thing in the way that all extreme polarities eventually are Since that time I think I must be a little war torn and cynical about it I look at these sweetness and light oneness folks like they

    Original URL path: http://www.firedocs.com/remoteviewing/pjarchives/pj_TheAbyss.cfm (2016-02-13)
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  • Remote Viewing Firedocs Collection - PJ Gaenir's Archives
    gave each of the children some small thing that completely fascinated them My body was frozen in place I was in such awe it approached religious and sexual ecstacy combined like being held at the upper point of orgasm and not let go I couldn t even speak I couldn t move I couldn t even move my eyes Michael had something for me much larger than the toys he d given the kids and he pulled out a chair from beside me set it facing me sat down in it and showed me what he had It looked like some kind of game board Like a cross between Chess and Monopoly somehow There were these boxes set into the board The boxes had words on them like Ideas Suggestions and things like that Michael took a card from one of them I couldn t see which one and attempted to hand it to me But I couldn t move to take it I was simply so overwhelmed by his presence that I was immobilized I was fixated on his blue eyes as if they contained me He seemed to talk with me for awhile but either I didn t hear him or I don t remember what it was I was so physically distracted I couldn t focus on anything except the visual of his eyes Finally he didn t seem upset he just gave me the entire game board put it in my lap got up and walked out the door For once I woke up normally hours later than I usually do The dream affected me profoundly The physical content of it was overwhelming Even upon awakening I felt physically affected my body felt stunned and the religious aspect of it was almost unnerving I d never

    Original URL path: http://www.firedocs.com/remoteviewing/pjarchives/pj_AngelGame.cfm (2016-02-13)
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  • Remote Viewing Firedocs Collection - PJ Gaenir's Archives
    as if one simply IS all things being communicated even external things are felt inside oneself There is a definite boundary to each shape and meaning It s difficult to put all this in words but it s not less tangible or less definite than words but infinitely more so The meaning is never inexact It s not approximate it is quite defined all the way through But it is so different from English so much more literal that it s just as impossible to translate as the abstracts The ability to communicate so fully is so much vaster than anything I know that on finishing I m quiet and sad for the loss of ability I nicknamed it Geometric Conceptual Linguistics for lack of a better term It feels on some level as if all things in existence even objects are composed of ideas like ideas are physical and all ideas all concepts are shapes in some deeper truer perception o0o Letter re April 1994 I remember one unique thing from earlier this year I don t remember how I got there but I pretty much was knocked unconscious nightly regularly so I assume this wasn t any different I m shown something that seems like a book Then I realize it s not a book but is actually part of a screen like a computer screen I just had the mental impression of book as if someone were communicating that to me I looked at the surface which was some medium dark color and there were these rows of vertical long ovals hard to describe they each seemed about the size and width of my little finger The ovals themselves are dark like black and they re filled with all these little white dots Well I m looking at these things and I have no clue what they are Then I realize Oh it s like a language or something I could tell I was supposed to read it that was why I had the book concept I studied them closely and went in various directions of looking at them but frankly all the ovals looked the same to me just a bunch of white dots I tried to count the dots but there were too many too small too indefinite I tried reading each one like to see if there was some pattern from the top of the oval to the bottom or whatever some slight difference in shape between them Nothing Then I looked real closely at them and suddenly fell inward and I was inside one of them I was rushing toward the center of everything then I was at the center of everything and I realized that all those white dots now surrounding me and part of me were stars I just existed there and realized that it told a story the relationship between the stars between the space between everything everything was a geometry the geometry was a language And I thought to

    Original URL path: http://www.firedocs.com/remoteviewing/pjarchives/pj_GeometricLinguistics.cfm (2016-02-13)
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  • Remote Viewing Firedocs Collection - PJ Gaenir's Archives
    words for my feeling is that I worship him That s not as one sided as it sounds Still for someone who hates religion that s a pretty startling admission Granted I m in a more vulnerable spot for that sort of psychology than I ve ever been but whether I wanted it or not I don t invalidate the reality of it He s real He s beyond words He s me my innermost self my core my light and my love my ultimate And now I feel like I m not really alone Like there s a spark inside me like I m not empty after all I am part of other consciousness I am part of him I couldn t be alone if I tried And I just cried I couldn t quit crying He s so beautiful Knowing that he was there in me he is me he is my saving grace As a side effect it makes me less afraid for my body all this Impending Doom junk with the planet my visions of it I m not so afraid anymore I don t feel like I can be killed or separated from anything I feel like his presence was a gift to me I so needed it And now I crave him and wish he would come back please please come back o0o It s best described as meeting my soul face to face My adoration my worship my being overwhelmed by his beauty and love these haven t passed I still have them though my perspective on all this has changed a bit Even though I have dark moments from time to time I have a hard time separating or sorting all this stuff for the most part he is simply awe some

    Original URL path: http://www.firedocs.com/remoteviewing/pjarchives/pj_BlueEyesOfFaith.cfm (2016-02-13)
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  • Remote Viewing Firedocs Collection - PJ Gaenir's Archives
    ish but I remember thinking they had no color I concluded later that everything was somehow the identical color of bright lighted grey and my ability to differentiate was not about color as exists here but about texture or density of mass Even the ground was the same color as the sky Suddenly with a flash of shock and adrenalin I realized I ve been here before I remember this place And those are skimmers I stopped myself I thought Wait a minute I didn t argue that I knew them or had been there before although I knew the term skimmers was my own creation something I probably picked up from a sci fi book as a kid That I knew it all the place and the things around me seemed clear but my assumption about what the things in the sky were struck me as ridiculous I thought How stupid They d be totally impractical They couldn t fit very many people in something thin like that It seemed like a plane of some kind would have to be fabricated on the outside of its flying space as if it were a skeleton so there d be room inside to put things or people Then I thought Oh brilliant like now I m some kind of expert on aeronautic design They exist in front of you Quit arguing the obvious I thought But we don t have skimmers and I tried to force my memory into as much consciousness as I could It was tough but I finally cracked it and like a revelation I connected them to the ramp I was on the glazed eyed people and the whole situation including my being there before and I remembered and through my head went the near screaming thought Oh my god My god I m awake I m awake I m FINALLY AWAKE during this I d been there many times Suddenly knowing for sure that I was actually experiencing this and it was real and I really was awake and I was not merely dreaming I felt both relieved and excited That I d chanced into something the whole world thinks is a myth struck me as a thing of incredible importance Feeling like an archeologist who finds something amazing I was nearly overwhelmed by an incredible excitement and the rush of excited adrenalin was almost physically overwhelming It helped finalize snapping my mind out of the held in place numbness once and for all and although I still didn t feel heavy enough I had no real awareness of my feet on the beam for instance I became aware of physicality I had so much energy I could barely physically restrain myself from shouting and jumping around like a child I looked closely at the thing I was standing on by this time I was about halfway down toward the ground and saw that the side I was near I was at the far right side from the downward perspective had a small rail of some kind like the ramp beam wrapped upwards a bit All I could think was This might be my only chance Most people never get to see this This waking up in the middle of this stuff is rare and I know it and this is my one opportunity to figure out what s really going on Finally I ve broken through and woken up Maybe I can get some sort of proof to take home And that motivated me proof suddenly seemed like the most crucial goal of my life This was my chance I sidled closer to the side I realized that before we reached the ground I could jump over it and run like hell around the back of it and chances were I wouldn t be seen I assumed this because I figured people coming to in the middle of this process was rare and probably unexpected and besides I couldn t see anybody looking at me Adrenalin rushed through me and I could barely restrain my jump until I was close enough to the ground to be sure I wouldn t be hurt I told myself Hurry up You have to do it fast before anybody notices you You have cover behind people right now but many of them are getting off at the bottom and soon someone will see you and notice you re awake So I got just close enough to jump and the adrenalin kicked in even harder I tensed up my muscles and was just beginning to squat a bit for the push off of the jump and just as my muscles nearly pushed me BAM this absolute feeling of PEACE LOVE CALMNESS descended on me so suddenly it was like getting bashed over the head with it I immediately went into Passive Cow Feeling Loved mode and just stood there half stunned But my mind was still awake though my body was blissed out I had the impression that it would have knocked me completely unconscious were it not for my having so much adrenalin physically coursing through me that I had been totally wired So I stood there in bliss while the beam ramp continued to move us all downward At the bottom myself and about 5 other people were led off in a group I couldn t seem to see the person leading us even though I knew there was someone there This disconcerted me at the time Then I understood that I would have been able to see them had I been properly unconscious as if there is a certain frequency of brainwave activity that they would be apparent to where I would interpret some frequency feedback data as a type of input that would create a visual image for me but because I was conscious I was attuned to a slightly different frequency than the one which contained this information which altered my perception even though I

    Original URL path: http://www.firedocs.com/remoteviewing/pjarchives/pj_MolecularWindchimes.cfm (2016-02-13)
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  • Remote Viewing Firedocs Collection - PJ Gaenir's Archives
    s apparently usually but not always my astral body that is elsewhere having these conversations Actually I often feel instead that I ve split into two equal pieces I think I ve heard of that called bi locating where I m physical in both places but I have no proof and it sounds even weirder so I ll skip that for now It is very difficult even to get lucid but thanks to my talent with this I manage to be lucid a great deal of the time When I get scared or angry I yank myself back here It s a matter of sort of simultaneously forgetting you are there remembering you are here and with a strong jolt of emotionalizing or willing to be here right this second It s not always easy and depending on one s degree of physical density there at the time it can take tremendous immediate will and absolute focussed attention but I have those In any case every time it has happened the entities who see it coming react with stunned surprise Occasionally they ve dived for me as if they could physically hold me there but they re too late I feel guilty when I come to because you know it takes energy on their part to grab me if that s what happening and they re being decent enough I suppose and after all their effort if I freak out in the middle of it it s sort of a waste for them I can understand their annoyance Their surprise tells me that either my dream characters are surprised or if this is some Jungian thing and or they re autonomous from me like they seem I m apparently one of the few folks they ve met who does this

    Original URL path: http://www.firedocs.com/remoteviewing/pjarchives/pj_Un-Bi-Locating.cfm (2016-02-13)
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