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  • GameSpy: 10 Ridiculous Old-School Video Game Rumors (That Were Actually True) - Page 1
    As this Internet tutorial explains level 3 1 is just right for Mario to make a flying leap and land on the other side of the pole After that the screen just continuously scrolls to the right Eventually time runs out like the pee that ran out of my pants the first time I saw someone do this 2 The Arcade Version of Galaga Has a Trick to Make the Enemies Stop Firing Forever Early arcade machines pitted computer engineers against quarter starved hackers Though modern games are designed to keep the gamer from playing too long without paying several classic games could be played for insane lengths of time on a single quarter Sometimes this could be done with skill like with people who play Berzerk until they drop dead But sometimes clever tricks allowed less skilled player to capitalize on a hidden not so hidden flaw like trapping the centipede in Centipede then shooting spiders The rumor sounded as ridiculous as every other pre pubescent rumor I had ever heard If you play Galaga and leave two bees in the bottom corner of stage 1 then dodge them for 15 minutes the enemies will stop firing at you forever A lot of people I know tried this but dodging the bees for 15 minutes proved to be a lot harder than convincing oneself the trick didn t exist I had just assumed this was a rumor born from ridiculous verbal posturing on the behalf of an attention deprived child But then I saw videos of people doing it 3 The Sequel to Super Mario Bros Wasn t Released in the U S Because it Was Too Hard Super Mario Bros 2 was a black sheep of the Mario series A lot of elements were unique to this game

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/115/1157331p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Level Discontinuity - Page 1
    meter maids using excessive force possible to enforce parking regulations 2 Super Mario Bros Level 2 2 Peach has got Mario on the hook He keeps bending over backwards to prove his devotion to her but does she ever officially make him her boyfriend Hell no obviously the Princess wants to keep her dating options open reserving Mario as a safety net for when she s old and haggard Mario is a hero who could pretty much score with any other woman in the Mushroom Kingdom but instead he labors through miniboss after miniboss trying to make Peach happy That s why it s extra nauseating to think about level 2 2 in the original Super Mario Bros It s the first water level where Mario swims But water level is a nice way of phrasing things as Mario enters and exits the level by climbing into a large pipe That would make the level a sewer and wow is this sewer full Mario doesn t mind swimming through 12 feet of waste though Nope he s too busy reassuring himself that this will be the time the Princess kisses him on the mouth and not the cheek Probably not dude you just swam through sewage Also I don t think it s an excessive complaint to point out that Mario is a horrible plumber Those sewers are really backed up almost flooding into the joyous Mushroom Kingdom Any decent plumber would just drain the sewer then run through the level squishing the life out of bloopers as they gasp helplessly for air 3 Tomb Raider II Floating Islands The finest installment in the Tomb Raider series finds protagonist Lara Croft searching the world for clues to obtaining the Dagger of Xian This priceless artifact lies behind a huge wall of stone in China In my day searching for treasure underneath rock was called mining but if they want to call it Tomb Raiding whatever What s so cool about this dagger is that one can stab themselves with it to permanently turn into a dragon After Lara sees her rival obtain the dagger and thrust it into his own cold heart she follows his corpse out of the chamber and the level ends You begin the next level on a series of jade islands floating in limbo No sky no ground and how you got there is left completely to your imagination You d think that a bunch of mysterious floating ethereal islands made of jade would qualify as treasure Lara might be interested in You d be wrong Lara is not interested in treasure that s obviously the product of a level designer s drug hallucination 4 Assassin s Creed The Animus Assassin s Creed s incredible gameplay set the foundation for a groundbreaking series of titles It s too bad the creators almost ruined everything by gluing on a plot that attempted to screw with gamers minds Now the metaplot is pretty mind blowing especially when more

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/115/1155216p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: How to Build and Market Downloadable Content - Page 1
    downloadable content Developing DLC You can go about crafting post release content to maximize profit in two ways 1 pull together a small group within the development team to create the new material once the game is ready to ship and 2 hold back finished content to sell at a later date Now some gamers will always believe DLC was cut from the retail release even when it s released months later and contains sizable new content They ll likely buy it anyway so don t let that stop you from actually removing finished stuff to sell down the line If however you re eager to develop something legitimately new for players start working on it before the game itself has been completed Millions of gamers will buy a bug ridden nearly unplayable product despite the fact it would have benefited from the additional development manpower that the creation of DLC superseded And then they ll buy the DLC too win win What Are You Selling If gamers have proven anything over the past few years it s that they re fine with paying for whatever downloadable content gets thrown their way be it meager or mammoth Costumes maps missions dungeons extra characters avatar clothing virtual pets dashboard themes profile pictures weapons horse armor songs etc Downloadable content has become a field of dreams for publishers even if no game industry CEO is half as strapping as Kevin Costner If you sell it they will buy it But that doesn t mean you should hock just anything DLC should be genre specific If you re releasing a first person online shooter stick to something simple like new maps Multiplayer maps can be culled from existing single player levels making them relatively simple to design by a small portion of the

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/115/1153817p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: 11 Classic Elements of Gaming (That the Next Generation Will Never Experience) - Page 1
    they ve had recent layoffs Seriously The Who would never make a Rock Opera about some guy playing Big Buck Hunter blindfolded 2 Hint Hotlines Hint Books Strategy Guides Before the Internet linked all of our game solving minds into one massive blob getting stuck in a game was like wrecking a car Sure you might get the thing going again but it s going to take a lot of work and probably money Speaking of money hint hotlines were once the second scammiest thing happening to kids at the time next to school magazine sales drives In the 1980s every game was Nintendo hard You would allegedly get your alleged parents permission and call the Nintendo Game Counselors hotline for help which is where the ridiculousness began I remember the Game Counselors never telling me what I needed to know the first time I called just giving out ambiguous hints and encouragement You have to hunt around there some more yeah On the other side of the spectrum were hint books which would tell you everything you needed to know and gave you some really fine writing in the process The Internet killed both those things and only strategy guides remain With online strategy guides become more and more detailed paper strategy guides seem to be in decline as well This is somehow related to people not wanting to pay for things that they can get for free 3 Joysticks The icon of gaming for over a decade the joystick has been relegated to thumb sticks and custom orders Even these might be on their way out with motion based control systems and real flight control simulators replacing the niche uses joysticks still have It s not out of the spectrum that future gamers will scoff at physical controllers

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/115/1150951p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Hilarious Tales of Video Game Bans - Page 1
    the Outback and it s easy to see why Australian gamers are up in arms Marc Ecko s Getting Up is an open ended game where players use graffiti to rage against a dystopian regime Originally released with an M15 rating by the Australian Classification Board appeals by the Queensland administration led to a reclassification and banning On the record the game was outlawed for glorification of graffiti But really we suspect the game s totalitarian government hit too close to home for video game regulatory commissions Tender Loving Care In Australia movies can be rated up to R18 inappropriate for people under 18 However any video game that would be given this rating is instead banned This inconsistency led to a hilarious 1999 occurrence involving the interactive film Tender Loving Care starring Michael Esposito The DVD has several areas where the user can take part in the storyline great for that one guy who has lucid dreams about Michael Esposito you know who you are Hoping to underscore this feature Tender Loving Care s creators pushed the DVD to be released as a game The game came out and was promptly banned in Australia for scenes involving nudity Not wanting to take a bath on the product the creators had a cheap idea They submitted the exact same product as a movie Australia gave it an R18 rating and Tender Loving Care hit the shelves This goes to show that when a policy seems profoundly stupid you can probably find some profoundly stupid loopholes to exploit But Australia isn t the only nation with a funny video game banning story Football Manager 2005 In China video game bans happen more often due to political reasons rather than due to some sort of perceived moral debauchery So one can snatch

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/114/1147080p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Video Game Characters' Excuses for Our Terrible Playing - Page 1
    have no shame but the characters on screen do Gamers really love to win which sometimes drives them to play in some downright dickish ways but hey it s just a game right Maybe but what if the characters in the games were forced to justify your lame gaming skills What if your favorite character in a fighting game had to explain to the other fighters why he spent the entire tournament spamming a single combo How would a soldier from Call of Duty justify his cheesy camping to his teammates We may not care about our own reps when we play like jerks but let s take a moment to consider how it affects those poor shmucks on screen Justin Massoud writes for Asylum Nathan Birch creates his own webcomic Zoology and recently had work published in this book Their techniques are so advanced it may seem like they re cheating but they re totally not guys What Do You Think Latest Humor The Golden Years of Sports Video Game Violence Jul 9 2011 Video Game Anti Drug Posters Jun 30 2011 Text Adventures An Alien World of Gaming Jun 24 2011 5 Video Game Fashions That Need to

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/114/1146673p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: GameSpy's 2010 Video Game Roast - Page 1
    gleefully beating his pet monkey and don t get us started on his girlfriend Pauline She actually managed to make the next lady in his life Princess Toadstool look like a step up which is impressive considering when she and Mario first met the Princess had a face that looked like the work of a drunken Picasso Yeesh leave it in the castle Speaking of the Princess get a load of this chick we ve seen less plastic faces on a Mr Potato Head Compare how she looked in Super Mario Bros to how she looks in Super Mario Galaxy She needs someone who s had more tasteful surgery to give her some lessons on restraint maybe Joan Rivers is available This is of course assuming Princess Toadstool and Princess Peach are the same person Mario swears they are but we re starting to get the feeling the original Princess is tied to a thwomp at the bottom of level 2 2 But hey all that aside just for laughs let s say Mario is turning 25 this year If that s the case it s time to make a decision about that moustache buddy it may have seemed hip and ironic back when you were a wild 18 year old spending time in and out of jail on Delfino island but you re getting to the age where the look doesn t scream cool so much as 8th grade shop teacher Then again maybe it s best you keep it since it s really the only thing that keeps you from looking like a horrifying man sized baby Argh Jesus On that subject what is with your voice buddy We don t know if you missed this section in health class but when guys hit puberty their voices are supposed to get deeper Instead when you starred in Super Mario 64 at the age of 11 or 12 you went from sounding like Lou Albano to an Italian Tiny Tim Do you need to get Yoshi a softer saddle Or is it just the decades of getting cock blocked by Princess Peachstool here You can find plenty of ways to deal with that just make sure to bring along the Kuribo s shoe for clean up After 25 years you re going to need it But hey once again happy sort of 25th birthday to you Mario Oh and we suppose Luigi too but seriously folks f that guy Final Fantasy XIII Hey you know what was fun Riding a whale shaped rocket ship to the moon in Final Fantasy IV You know what s dumb Leaving the moon in a rocket ship shaped rocket ship and going to Earth Battlestar Galactica took so damn long to find Earth and that s because it s boring compared to outer space Kinda like your house is less interesting than a Halloween party Also this guy s a main character Really Kudos Square Enix for fixing the problem of Final Fantasy

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/114/1144189p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Platformer Makeover: Making Stale Stage Themes Interesting Again - Page 1
    as city buses knows the effect that extreme cold can have on your junk If players let their Dick Meter hit bottom thus reaching maximum shrinkage your game is immediately over because really what would be the point in saving the princess at that point The only way to survive would be to collect enough hand warmers and protective tube socks What to Expect From the Standard Fire Stage You re either be inside a volcano or one will loom in the background so expect a lot of molten rock Also chances are good that you ll encounter an on rails segment where you have to ride a moving platform over a large lake of lava The Usual Enemy Suspects You can count on lava pits having some sort of fire spitting creatures living in them Also if you encountered any annoying fluttery flying enemies earlier in the game they ll return as annoying fluttery flying flaming enemies How to Freshen Up the Fire Stage Despite what game designers want you to think lava isn t really all that threatening Someone riding a Segway with the speed set to medium could easily outrun it Volcanoes aren t one hit wonders when it comes to killing though Poisonous gases acidic air that can sear the flesh right off you mountains of ash that can crush you and blot out the sun and the granddaddy of them all the pyroclastic flow a huge thousand degree cloud of rock ash and gas moving at over 300 miles per hour Game designers love destroying us but for some reason they re leaving all these excellent methods of murdering players on the table We don t get it What to Expect From the Standard Desert Stage Cacti quicksand and of course plenty of pyramids in

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/114/1141493p1.html (2016-02-16)
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