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  • GameSpy: Halo Warthog vs. U.S. M1A1 Abrams Tank - Page 1
    also a great song from the Gorillaz shaithis Fargo could you possibly fit any more links into this Grudge Fargo Yes shaithis Anyway I love the warthog like the brothers I never had Well I do have brothers but they don t have machinegun turrets on them So it s a wash What I m saying is it s a great little buggy but it can t face down an M1A1 The Abrams weighs 70 tons has 1500 horsepower and can fling a 120mm shell at a target two and a half miles away with precise computer assisted aiming The Warthog hell it s a scout vehicle It doesn t even have a complete roof Fargo But you forget one very important thing shaithis That I hate you Fargo The Warthog is indestructible You can hit it with a high explosive shell and it ll whirl around in the air and plop onto the ground without so much as a dent Then you just boot the carcasses out flip er over and hop back inside Winner Warthog shaithis If you don t mind the crusted blood and charred human effluence covering the seats Fargo Not all that different than the

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/489/489892p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: L-Shaped Tetris Block vs. The Bejeweled Blue Diamond - Page 1
    been too much of a burden on da el He started hitting the Laudanum pretty hard and then he took to smoking Riccola You can hardly understand a word he says nowadays He makes Ozzy Osbourne sound like James Earl Jones shaithis Yah back in 99 he would shout bible verses laced with obscenities at the top of his lungs By 01 he would shout nothing but obscenities laced with bible verses Last year they had him on TechTV for a five minute spot and they had to subtitle him except the only uncensored word out of his mouth was Jonah Then they had to cut to commercial when he tried to kneecap Mario with a Swiffer WetJet Fargo I replay that on my TiVo over and over and over shaithis Actually to be quite honest Fargo I think the L is past his prime He s what pushing 30 He s 4 bit Time has marched on Fargo Now there I think you re wrong The L Shaped Tetris block may have lived life harder than his brothers like the square who was square but he still rocks the drop He s like the Rolling Stones They can still jam they re just older and twice as ugly Which admittedly is horrific shaithis But you look at what he s up against The blue diamond from Bejeweled This is the new goods The game is fast on its way to becoming the most downloaded PC game ever Millions are addicted to it Blue Diamond he s the face of Bejeweled He s got the moves he s got the style They call him the Pimp Czar of the Bejeweled family All the Girls Love da Jewel Fargo True he is what Will Smith would call The New Hotness And

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/489/489891p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: The Master Chief's Armor vs. The Soul Calibur - Page 1
    nothing look at this The Soul Calibur is a living blade feasting on the souls of its victims for nourishment You can tell it s a living blade because of this big giant eyeball here oops I just poked it Sorry hideous demon blade There there it s okay shaithis muffled That sword is almost as tall as you You ve yet to hold it up without first asking someone to give you a boost You look ridiculous Fargo Quiet Do you want the sword to hear you Assuming it has ears It s got feelings too you know Imagine that Being a living blade What would that be like What would your hopes be Your dreams What kinds of things would you worry about Putting your little daggers through college What shaithis muffled You know with this helmet on I can t hear a word you re saying That alone makes this armor worth it Hey could you windex my visor Fargo Talking to the Soul Calibur There there it s okay Demon Blade How are you feeling today Are you comfortable Warm enough Guess what look at what I made you for New Year s That s right

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/489/489890p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: The Sniper vs. the Bunny-Hopper - Page 1
    dude comes hopping across the screen Just boing boing boing like he was skipping across the playground at recess And I m thinking What kind of link dead moron does Captain Jiggyfoot here think he s fooling But of course I missed him shaithis Thus answering your own question Fargo Okay fast forward to like twenty seconds later I hear a firefight in the nearby warehouse I get up into a crouch and then dash across the doorway to defend another position I m running and suddenly POP I m dead Total Bambi s Mom moment One shot one kill Now the great thing about Call of Duty is that you can see how you got offed via a Killcam when you get slaughtered So I got to watch the whole kill from the Sniper s perspective who was shooting all the way across the map shaithis Sounds a lot like the Blair Witch Project in that you ve got a loser filming a loser who s about to be dead Fargo So this sniper he s just watching the doorway watching the doorway watching the doorway and then without even a hint I dashed across I was in sight far away and crouched for not more than a second and a half And the crosshairs they flicked up right up to my head tracked me for a heartbeat and then PLING Levelled me Like he was flipping a lightswitch It was incredible It was as if for five brief seconds I saw through the eyes of God shaithis Were I given the opportunity I would look into locker rooms Fargo It begged the question of course Who would win The sniper or the bunnyhopper shaithis The question to be begged is can the bunnyhopper possibly get more than 15

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/489/489887p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Secret World War II Jet - Page 1
    steam powered robot jet gyrocopter submarine We re left with the impression that there were more secret weapons in World War II than weapons shaithis Everybody needs a gimmick Fargo What aggravates me is that we re getting a skewed and twisted view of history Jetpacks Naval Guns mounted on tanks I don t know what to believe anymore Next they ll have me believe that the Germans fired rockets at London shaithis They did Fargo Nice try Captain HistoryBuff But I m not fooled Anyways I for one will be happy to see those oh so experimental jets swallowed whole by the menacing supervillain that is The Unbeatable Joust Pterodactyl shaithis That was a good bit of marketing there The game introduced the Pterodactyl using the word Unbeatable with a question mark but in reality Fargo Brilliant It was all part of a scheme to swallow our quarters by creating the illusion that some secret technique could fell the Unbeatable Pterodactyl when in fact it would just kill me every single time But I m not fooled Anymore shaithis what are you talking about All you had to do was hit it right in the open mouth with your lance Long Pause Fargo What shaithis The Pterodactyl Anyone could kill him if you hit him just right with the lance Fargo Pounding fist on the table LIAR The Pterodactyl was an invincible killing machine like the Terminator with wings a screeching harbinger of death pouring forth agonies as from book of the Revelation leaving naught in its wake but feathers and suffering shaithis Nope Killed it How could you have grown up in the 80s and not known that Fargo Looks at his shoes shaithis In fact there was a secret trick where you could stand at a certain

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/489/489885p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: John Madden vs. Tony Hawk - Page 1
    put aside the fact that I hate Madden with a passion unyielding But I m a kind man I pray not for his death but merely that lightning will strike his voicebox leaving him with nothing but a tube through which to whisper However in a fistfight Madden would pulp Tony Hawk Only the fact that Hawk wears a helmet would keep him alive Fargo But Hawk is way more involved in the creation of the game than Madden is He gave feedback to the developers and when it debuted on the original PlayStation Tony Hawk was a completely original game It started a whole genre That s pretty big shaithis Pretty lucky I wish I could lend some voice talents and expert opinions to a game and then sit at home watching Futurama re runs while big companies write me huge checks Unfortunately nobody s working on a game called Admiral Skillset Bitterly Mocks the Undead Ninja Nazis so my formidable talents are wasted Fargo That s RIGHT The real tragedy here is how many brilliant game ideas you and I can toss out in this forum never to be developed shaithis I wouldn t exactly call your Bare Woman Kickboxing idea brilliant Fargo You re right it was more like groundbreaking If it s ever released it ll be the only game to simulate jiggling using your controller s rumble pack See look at these design documents shaithis These are just dirty pictures you drew on a napkin Fargo Bah I m sure Tony Hawk didn t have to go through this much scorn shaithis Hawk was a multimillionaire and respected professional in his field long before he went into gaming You re neither a woman nor thankfully bare What do you know about Bare Woman Kickboxing Fargo

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/489/489882p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Racing for Speed vs. Racing for Destruction - Page 1
    Need for Speed Underground is like getting hammered in the pills by a purple neon baseball bat then having someone in a feather boa sprinkle glitter on you as you lay moaning on the wet pavement in a fetal position Fargo That s how most of my dates end shaithis I never understood why you d froo froo up a car with purple paint and decals like a third grade sticker book But let s get down to business I think the readers will back me up on this when I say that we re not interested in any game about cars that doesn t involve killing or property damage Why else did I get my driver s license Fargo Don t you get a rush from taking a Ferrari Enzo from 0 to 60 in three seconds and then punching through a curve at 120 shaithis That depends Am I chucking molotov cocktails out the window Fargo Look racing games are about skill and the camaraderie of speed shaithis By camaraderie I hope you mean street gangs And also a bonus mode involving a baseball bat and a chicken farm Fargo No no no I mean realistic handling and

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/489/489880p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Mario & Yoshi vs. Wario & Donkey Kong - Page 1
    Sorry I zoned out Did you say the Princess was here My taffeta wrapped strawberry blonde booty call Where Ohhhh to be a mushroom in her kingdom shaithis And why the weird pairings Mario and Yoshi Why not Mario and Luigi Fargo I can t talk about Luigi after the restraining order But if I were to talk about Luigi I d talk about how he s a menace to the Karting world The kind of guy who cuts other people s brake lines and then drives to the border with 15 pounds of Chilean Hash hidden in his hubcaps Uh don t print that shaithis I hear and respect but at least you can reason with Luigi You know let him wet his beak a little keep paying the protection hell he s your best friend But Donkey Kong He s an animal We all act like the tie makes him legit No He s monkey in a tie At first he just killed for money Now he kills for sport Fargo That s why I paired Mario with Yoshi you know to give the plumber a fighting chance Cat s got a 36 inch tongue He s the Gene Simmons of the Nintendo Family but without the morals or restraint Did you see when he was on Oprah and put his foot through the wall shaithis But you ve got him and Mario up against Wario and Donkey Kong That s like taking the Olsen Twins putting them in a steel cage and then killing them Fargo True Wario or as I like to call him Captain Lou is like that neighborhood dog who s been chained behind the trailer park since he was a puppy His matted fur is caked with mud and dried blood and he

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/489/489878p1.html (2016-02-16)
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