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  • GameSpy: Pong Paddle vs. Duke Nukem as an Old, Old Man - Page 1
    I even had them put an EXTRA one in you know just in case Look at you bouncin up and down hitting your little square ball Do I need to remind you how long ago it was that I ran out of gum That means it s time to start kicking ass Don t make me get up off this porch Duke Nukem as an Old Old Man puts a mask to his face and deeply inhales some oxygen Lowering it after a few moments he continues Back in 96 I had gameplay so deep that it took two hours to clear a level and find all its secrets These days it takes me two hours to pee I have a prostate the size of one of those floating alien brain thingies If it weren t for me Earth s chicks wouldn t have grown up to be the icy hot grandmuthaz they are today Put that in your pipe and give it up for the patch homeschooled Back in what we used to call the day I would carry around a shrink ray Nowadays I carry around Viagra for the opposite effect You hear me little paddle man Don t make me call the nurse over to open up a can of pre moistened pureed whupass cuz she ll do it I still gots a way with the honeys and I gots my eyes on you At least the one that still works That s right run along now You think I m a bad man now you don t want to stick around and make me miss my nap Duke Nukem as an Old Old Man slowly droops his head forward and begins snoring his hands folded limply together on his belly This week s guest Grudge commentator

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/489/489849p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Midnight Club Series vs. Gran Turismo Series - Page 1
    neon on them until a once beautiful machine looks like the front window of a palm reader Fargo For people who like fast cars faster women and apparently really big pants shaithis What s with his matching shoes Fargo Now speaking as an individual who recently purchased a high performance imported sports car shaithis Fargo a MINI Cooper isn t what most people consider a high performance sports car Fargo It s a MINI Cooper S And you know what the S means right shaithis Small Fargo Special shaithis Like a short short bus Fargo What I was saying was now that I drive a manly high performance precision engineered speedster shaithis Didn t you buy it for your wife Fargo Look they re featuring the MINI Cooper in Gran Turismo 4 which is a resounding acknowledgement of this little machine s power and handling shaithis Isn t it one of the cars you can start with The kind you sell right away to get a Viper And then you realize that the Viper can t turn a corner even if it s being towed Fargo For God s sake man find some JOY in life shaithis I have I

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/489/489847p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Mario Bros. vs. Albino Bob Marleys from The Matrix - Page 1
    machines shaithis Been sampling the magic mushrooms again Fargo No Woman No Cry Straight up this is how it s gonna go down Picture if you will a dark garbage strewn back alley tagged with graffiti and bracketed by weather worn chain link fences First you hear the rumble then you see the headlights Around the corner drives a 1972 Ghetto Gold Buick Riviera with one primer colored fender and two mis matched rims It rumbles to a halt The massive doors open in unison and out step the Mario Brothers Mario drags a Franchi SPAS 12 shotgun out of the bucket seat and snaps the folding stock into place Luigi pulls a pair of MAC 10 automatic pistols from his overalls and clicks off the safeties The two brothers nod to each other Then the techno music starts Mario takes one step forward and springs into the air like a jackrabbit He plants a foot on the grimy brick wall and soon he s cartwheeling no less than ten feet in the air The bullets streak towards them Luigi plants a foot on the hood of the Buick and an instant later he s somersaulting forward The Buick suddenly explodes in outrageous bullet time fiery orange ribbons of twisted metal arcing through the air showers of sparks rocketing into the sky Luigi rights himself and the MAC 10s rip Blatta blatta blat shaithis Wait hang on why did the Buick explode Fargo What does it matter shaithis Cars don t just randomly explode Fargo They do in the Matrix Anyways Mario kicks down the rusted iron door to the warehouse knocking it clear from its hinges in a shower of shattered brickwork It s a me he says ripping off eight shotgun shells as fast as he can pump

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/489/489716p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Middle Earth Online vs. The Matrix Online - Page 1
    That s right ONE Everybody else is just one of those computer generated dudes in armor who get killed by the boatload in every fight scene What fun is that Fargo You know you and I could sit here and rationally argue the merits or problems of either game like intelligent adults But I d rather leave that discussion to the Forums Instead I think it s more fun to imagine if characters from Middle Earth Online actually had to fight it out in The Matrix shaithis Now THAT I would pay money for How great would it be to see that pretty boy Elf get worked over by an Agent like it s the last scene of a Rocky movie Fargo It would go down something like this Agent Smith would sit down and open up a big manilla folder We ve been camping this ringspawn for quite some time now Mr Baggins He d say Then he d talk about the ring and then he d threaten him One of these lives has a future Mr Baggins And in that future you will be trying to recover the corpse of your other life shaithis Yeah yeah that s good But then we d need to show a bullet time shot of Gimli the Dwarf hovering five feet in the air with a slow motion kick And he d say Dodge this But he d say it in a bad Scottish accent because I guess Dwarves are Scottish Fargo Oh Aye Sonny Jim Dodge THIS shaithis That was the worst Scottish Dwarf I ve ever heard Fargo Oh yeah Show me what you got shaithis Standing up Stupid Elvish Colonel tellin me thas not air I m breathin I ATE A BABY Fargo That s pretty convincing For a

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/489/489843p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Old Link vs. New Link - Page 1
    with the new Link for over a month we can see how they REALLY feel Fargo You know what It s time for me to eat crow It s time for a public apology When we last ran this Grudge I publicly stated that They ve turned Link into a Muppet I was wrong I also threatened to call in a punishing airstrike to anyone who liked the new Link shaithis That was a disaster Fargo Yeah mental note never buy any so called smart missiles from former Soviet air force Colonels Their pinpoint accuracy leveled half of Laramie Wyoming shaithis Not necessarily a bad thing Fargo I was aiming for a guy in Miami shaithis But I was with you at the time I think we all were The new Link looked like an egg on a toothpick But now that I ve actually played through it I can see the brilliance of Miyamoto s vision Whereas a lot of games are cel shaded as a gimmick Wind Waker is one of the few like Sly Cooper to actually do it as part of a consistent artistic style The simple exaggerated facial expressions convey a lot of emotion Now

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/489/489834p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: The Limey #18: Fat Princess - Page 1
    review of the game this is in fact but rather some observations about my time spent with Fat Princess along with some broader issues regarding online gaming launch hiccups and the like One example of how chaotic Fat Princess mini battles can get I should start out by saying that I don t generally spend a lot of my money on standalone downloadable console games I generally prefer dropping my cash on DLC for retail games that I already own map packs for Call of Duty or Gears of War etc The Burnout Paradise DLC is a great example of how to keep a paying punter hooked up to a drip by the way as I ve bought every single DLC pack Criterion released And in these harsh economic times investing even a few buckaroos is something that s not taken as lightly as it might have previously But I ve been following Titan Games Fat Princess for a pretty long time now and every time I saw the game in action read a preview or checked out new media I became more and more fascinated The game s essentially a class based real time strategy action affair blending elements of Team Fortress 2 Warhawk and even a little bit of Warcraft III or any other resource based RTS you care to mention together to a pretty effective end It pits a red team against a blue and in the main gameplay mode the action is frantic capture the flag sporting two cake fed princesses Each side is trying to snatch the opposing side s princess while hanging onto their own Dump the enemy chick in your own castle s dungeon and you ve won I m sure you ve read by now about the subtle gameplay differences that separate

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/101/1010425p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: The Limey #17: Five Games that Changed my Life - Page 1
    rooms didn t change all that much the order in which you explored the lair was different every time This made the challenge all the more satisfying Pixel perfect jumping and timing was needed to beat the robots and environment and Impossible Mission hooked and reeled me into the world of platformers like no other game has done since Stay awhile stay FOREVER Street Fighter II SNES 1992 I ve always fancied myself as a bit of an arcade beat em up specialist particularly with games like Double Dragon and Golden Axe ranking among my personal favorites The Commodore 64 did a great job of planting the seeds of my fighting addiction with titles like Way of the Exploding Fist and International Karate Plus but it wasn t until Street Fighter II hit the arcades that I knew something very different had come along Not having regular access to a SF2 arcade machine made it hard to get any regular playtime but when I finally saved up the equivalent of 150 I imported an American version of the game for my SNES and subsequently lost a good few months of my social life to the antics of Ken Ryu and Blanka The level of competitiveness that I experienced playing countless rounds of Street Fighter II with my friends paved the way for my current day passion for online multiplayer action Before such times I was more than content to play single player games by myself I think Street Fighter II is easily one of the most influential games ever made and I look back on those days of hadokens and shoryukens with great fondness Quarter circle forward a few million times blisters on thumbs The Legend of Zelda A Link to the Past SNES 1992 Even though I m a

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/100/1003171p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: The Limey #16: Five Games that Need Remade - Page 1
    one and most of the U S based audience will probably not have had much contact with this UK developed personal computer However Manic Miner was the first platformer I ever played that was a really really good and b extremely challenging Miner Willy was the main character and he found himself trying to walk jump and avoid a bizarre menagerie of beasties while attempting to grab a key and unlock the exit door It spanned 20 levels and featured a need for pixel perfect movement and jumping Truth be told I d be happy to play a downloadable version of the original game but I d love to see what cool stuff could be done with modern technology Manic Miner Awesome gameplay music and difficulty GoldenEye 007 Nintendo 64 1997 A bit of a fan favorite here but I was one of the thousands if not hundreds of thousands of console gamers that become well and truly obsessed with Rare s seminal N64 shooter There had never been anything else this advanced or playable on a console before and the very fact that the game still ranks very highly as one of the best first person shooters of all time speaks to its success Forget the average to decent Perfect Dark Zero that launched with the Xbox 360 I want a full remake of GoldenEye 007 with 60 frames per second graphics full online deathmatch modes and whatever else someone can squeeze in there GoldenEye 007 Defining the console shooter Pinball Dreams Commodore Amiga 1992 Most gamers recognize DICE as being the developer behind the Battlefield franchise but back in the day the Digital Illusions CE was best known for its amazing 2D pinball games on the Amiga The first was Pinball Dreams and represented some of the best most realistic pinball videogame physics ever seen along with an awesome techno soundtrack and gorgeous hand drawn 2D table art I never ever tired of trying to beat my increasingly large high scores I ve always found pinball games extremely addicting and I d love to think that this classic and indeed the subsequent games in the series might one day wind up on my HDTV I mean surely DICE has got the code lying around somewhere Pinball Dreams Crisp clean 60 fps pinball action Black Crypt Commodore Amiga 1992 Raven Software s first ever game was an unabashed rip off of the classic Dungeon Master from FTL Games but for me it was much better It used the same 3D real time approach and let you explore close to 28 levels of critter filled maze like dungeons with a party of four predefined heroes The presentation was immaculate and generated some really tense combat and puzzle solving I d hug Raven s face off if it ever decided to remake Black Crypt More maps levels classes items and monsters please Black Crypt The best Dungeon Master clone ever made Paradroid Commodore 64 1985 This ancient C64 game ranks as

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/100/1001458p1.html (2016-02-16)
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