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  • GameSpy: 5 Things Player Housing Should Have in MMOGs - Page 1
    doing so should just instantly vaporize the clothes of any nearby women 3 Something Resembling But Not Called a Bong Nobody s fooled I found one such item in Star Wars Galaxies called a decorative Shisa It was clearly listed as a decoration presumably to prevent players from calling up the Jawas and telling them it s 420 That didn t stop me as a player from inviting all my friends over to my house to check out my new bong There we stood tailor and wookie and Jedi alike nodding in silent admiration Of course the first bong that isn t a bong playable online could be found in The Sims Online where you could purchase a bubble blower and all the sickness that goes with it Sims would sit around blowing bubbles and for some reason giggling and really enjoying it We re not fooled Let me be the first to suggest Those aren t bubbles 2 Enormous Crafter Smashing Rock Traps You know just like the big falling rocks in The Goonies You ever notice how unwanted guests always seem to meander into your house parties It would work like this I see Mr Mastercrafter and how long did you forego basic human needs such as food or bathing to become a master tailor Three whole weeks of nonstop play And that makes you better than my friends how I see Could you stand on the X 1 Giant Rockets Capable of Moving the Entire Building Star Wars Galaxies allows you to own a house With the upcoming Jump to Lightspeed Expansion you ll also be able to own a spaceship I think the obvious next step is FLYABLE HOUSING You could for instance invite some friends over go to your kitchen and program in some coordinates

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/522/522707p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Preparing Body, Mind, and Soul for Halo 2 - Page 1
    months to prepare ourselves I m not sure what you re doing to get ready for this gaming phenomena but I m already mentally preparing myself for what I ve chosen as my role on my online team The Jerk Who Hides Behind the Flag With a Plasma Sword Click to enlarge No pun intended With one flick of the right trigger you can use the plasma sword to lunge at and disembowel an enemy it s an instant kill Which is my favorite kind Some may call it camping or whoring or some combination thereof flag camwhorper screamed at me while using the robot voice being my favorite But I know my place Here s why I ve chosen this profession I won t have to learn the map Every good game map has strategic chokepoints defensive positions and shortcuts for people or vehicles I could master them Or I could spend that time microwaving jars of nacho dipping cheese while camping the flag and shouting smack into the headset And some of us are born cheese dip headset smacker types Keeping my crosshairs pinned on the flag negates need to move and aim simultaneously From what I ve read on the Internet those skills are extremely important to the game Instead I ve chosen to develop a skill called holding the plasma sword and pressing the right trigger button the moment some Blue schmuck tries to pick up the flag Coincidentally this skill means that I can play the game while holding a beer in my free hand For this reason my gameplay will improve over time Or at least my enjoyment of the game will Until about six hours into a marathon session when I ll probably discover I m camping the other team s flag I

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/521/521072p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: SpyHunter: The Movie As It Should Be - Page 1
    turns his head to look down at his rear view mirror Something is there Reflected in his mirror is the front of a white 1983 Camero Z28 But it is not an ordinary Z28 It boasts custom red and blue racing stripes heavy armor plating and side mounts for rocket launchers It s also got a pair of machine guns jutting out of either side of the front grille Suddenly the Z28 lurches forward Its ENGINE ROARS Cue the PETER GUNN THEME the music from the 1983 arcade game The man on the motorcycle glances back frightened then turns to face the speeding roadway some more His gloved hand tenses against the throttle The motorcycle s speedometer needle swings forward 90 MPH 110 MPH 120 MPH He leans into another curve then furtively glances back over his shoulder The Camero seems to be dropping behind For a moment it disappears around the curve Then it reappears grinding gravel on the side of the road The Z28 ENGINE ROARS some sort of futuristic turbocharger kicking in with a HIGH PITCHED WHINE Flames burst out of its exhaust with a POP The distance between the vehicles closes rapidly The motorcycle driver weaves his bike leaning hard in either direction The car weaves to match TIRES SQUEALING The man on the motorcycle realizes that the car is in fact aiming for him But there s nothing more he can do the two vehicles collide bumper to back wheel with a GRINDING THUMP The motorcycle swings wildly out of control rocking from side to side white smoke pealing from the SCREAMING TIRES The motorcycle flies down the road even faster than before Yet miraculously the driver stays on his vehicle Then the Camero hits him again The man on the motorcycle flies even farther

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/519/519506p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: I Survived Medieval Finland - Page 1
    DOS graphics is a realistic gritty game of survival in the harsh world of Iron Age Finland I discovered that surviving in the terrible uncivilized frozen North consists of 1 Building your own shelter 2 Hunting killing skinning and cooking your own food 3 Not getting eaten by angry wild dogs 4 or anything else for that matter This is how it s done UnReal World uses all keyboard commands and a simple interface like the all time classic NetHack which my readers may recall I am obsessed with Now I know what you re thinking You re thinking Fargo why should we the hardcore gaming public care about your stupid DOS roguelike games whose interface resembles the screenful of random characters you get when old computers crash The answer is gameplay See with their cruddy graphics the people programming these games can spend 100 of their time and system resources on making the gameplay super deep Which brings us back to UnReal World the only game I know where frostbite is simulated on each individual part of your body Possibly even your you know Finnish wingwang Here s a game so realistic that you need to punch holes in the ice in order to get water during the winter Of course it s Finnish so you can also build your own sauna UnReal World Screenshot At first the game is immensely difficult My first few characters died within a couple of days One of them was peacefully sleeping when a Lynx walked into his camp Mistake deciding to go back to sleep Naturally a game this challenging attracts its own breed of masochistic players Just look at this gem I pulled from the official forums You guys have all the luck I ve never once had one of my

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/517/517647p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Meet the Press - Page 1
    for then some sort of subheading with more information You ll note that for sequels of existing games the original game is always described as a hit blockbuster or critically acclaimed Just once I d love to see a press release describe the original game as comfortably mediocre You ll also note that the subhead to the press release almost always pigeonholes the game into a genre then paradoxically defines it as groundbreaking or innovative It would make my year to see the words yet another used in the subhead In the body of the press release itself you always have a quote from somebody in a suit The suit quote is key It makes it sound as though the press release author sat down for a brief interview took careful notes and pulled out a choice quote In truth the author wrote it up showed it to the suit and the suit stared at the wall for a little bit before spinning around in his swivel chair and asking Do I really talk like that In order to make deadline the press release author just nodded That s how it works A key part of many game press releases is to talk in orgasmic tones about the new technology featured in the game This seems to be particularly true for PC games I kid you not the press release for Earth 2160 actually claims to use a biochemical engine for its graphics rendering For real Want to write your own press release for a hot upcoming game The toughest part is making up the new technology terms to sound impressive Fortunately I ve made it easy with this handy chart Simply choose one word from each column Myself I d be impressed by a game s explicit frame tesselation

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/512/512090p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: I Need a Hero - Page 1
    your chest the name FlameGuy and the fact that you are at the moment engulfed in roaring flames The FlameGuy I m not just FlameGuy I m The FlameGuy There s only one Scarblade That s a matter of opinion So FlameGuy sorry The FlameGuy could you describe for our admissions panel how you got your flame superpowers The FlameGuy I uh found them Just the other day Scarblade you found them Maybe in the wreckage of an alien spaceship or something The FlameGuy Naw they were just sitting around I guess I haven t really thought about it Scarblade HAVEN T THOUGHT ABOUT IT You expect to join our Supergroup with some sort of weak vague little backstory We are supposed to be comic book heroes Look at me I m a martial artist with night goggles and a robot arm who fights with a Katana My story is I used to be called Kingblade before zombie creating supervillains hired ninjas to drag me to a laboratory where Nazis removed my sword arm to use on a zombie and then blew the place up They thought I was dead but then Dr Scar found me rebuilt me a new arm and is using me as his instrument of vengeance Now I m a shadow of a man who once was brought back from the dead a human scar SCARBLADE tm Now that s the kind of hero who would hold up a comic series for a few hundred issues I m thinking movie tie ins collectable soda cups You dig The FlameGuy Sure but Scarblade And my partner here in the purple shiny bellbottoms this is Glitter Girl In the 1970s she was a superhero who was in an all girl crimefighting glam rock funk crossover band Then they

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/510/510182p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: How to Survive a UFO Attack - Page 1
    only in the fact that my character would be deleted at the end of the beta anyways I think I just wet myself Here s how it went down I logged in about ten minutes before the scheduled invasion in Paragon City even invading extraterrestrials are kind enough to set an appointment Should we enslave your race on Friday or would you like us to squeeze you in for Thursday afternoon I see What time will you be done with the Bar Mitzvah Very well does your pitiful race cave in on weekends or is that a bad time I decided that it would be best if my hero guarded the Police Station in a part of the city known as King s Row since it would be the first place the aliens would strike after presumably turning our City Government to pliable goo Well more pliable than usual What I found at the police station were groups of superheroes in matching costumes mustering up a defense They were warming up by doing jumping jacks in front of the city seal It was a show of team spirit meant to boost morale and possibly to drive the aliens away with the musky reek of sweaty tights Or maybe aliens are into that kind of thing I think I remember something like that from the TV miniseries V In the unlikely event of an alien invasion seek out the nearest Will Smith Heroes warm up in preparation for the assault When the UFOs did appear they were ginormous I wouldn t say that they filled up the entire sky but they certainly filled up the part above your head The important thing to remember in the event of a UFO invasion is not to panic until after you ve instant messaged

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/508/508603p1.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: PlanetFargo: Better Gnomes and Gardens - Page 1
    explain how to make sure your Orcish domicile is a happy home filled with Zub Zub which we re going to assume is a good thing We apologize in advance for the reeking odor Hello humans living or dead Hello dwarves and trolls so inbred Hello tauren night elves with glow eyes But stay back you little knee high jerkoff gnome guys Get your loincloths on your crotches And whip out your fabric swatches My name is Grubroo and I love to Build a house that reeks of meat and blood and mildew Here follows a short interlude with drums but not so short that you fail to notice one of the woolier drums is actually a very unhappy sheep A warrior he needs a good pad With big ol tusks and logs make em ironclad Your front door needs some hides and skins and spines Myself prefers the giant snake head and keep out sign Once inside you need a welcome mat Firm and flat and furry like a cat A thing that beautifies that s easy to apply I recommend you kill and skin and stuff a fat guy The drum solo that follows is cut short when

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/506/506917p1.html (2016-02-16)
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