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  • GameSpy: 11 Classic Elements of Gaming (That the Next Generation Will Never Experience) - Page 2
    these to the extinct list 6 Optical Media Speaking of which even CDs might not have much time left after chasing cartridges out The leap in graphics CD provided over carts was incredible however technology has reached the point where hard drive storage is as cheap as optical storage That means that if this progression continues we will probably start seeing games delivered on small hard drives or even ones the size of flash drives Maybe product designers will be cool and make these drives look like cartridges which would bring the evolution full circle Or maybe the digital delivery future is upon us 7 Arcades Although I mistakenly played up Greece s 2002 ban on arcades which turned out to be unenforced after the first month arcades are disappearing everywhere Perhaps the most nostalgic bastion of a gaming era gone by the hot electric smell of banks of video machines has been replaced with the smell of sweaty preteens hopping up and down on a Dance Dance Revolution machine Although hopefully this means future generations won t have the nostalgia of having to stand next to enormously out of shape gamers 8 The Sanity Meter One of the most memorable left field games of all time the GameCube s Eternal Darkness Sanity s Requiem constantly found new ways to freak its players out A green bar indicated the levels of the player character s sanity If that sanity fell below a certain level the machine started doing things to screw with you I ll only name a few so as to not spoil things for anyone interested in checking it out but the player would encounter glitched out screens and fake freezes blue screen of death and several different means of accidental dismemberment That craziness holds a special place

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/115/1150951p2.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: 11 Classic Elements of Gaming (That the Next Generation Will Never Experience) - Page 3
    their games weren t illegally copied The most basic strategy was to have the game prompt the user to look up something in the manual Often the game boxes so called feelies would contain clues that were needed to progress in game However these things could be xeroxed en masse One game designer decided to make a decryption product that rivaled that goofy box in The Da Vinci Code It s basically a prism that the player holds up to the screen at some point to solve a puzzle This was the crazy stuff game makers did to keep people from stealing their games and gamers loved it These copy protection schemes represent a specific point in time when software encryption was more unreliable than physically mass producing a codex Oh and let s not forget truly evil things like this 11 Video Game Magazines In general old forms of media such as print magazines are on their way out To be fair having an old medium magazines for breaking news on a new medium video games doesn t make a lot of sense anyway With many sites devoted to up to the hour video game news but none as excellent as GameSpy gamers don t need to buy magazines for information With the number of game magazines on shelves rapidly dwindling it would be a surprise if they weren t one of the first casualties of our cultural embracing of new media The progress of technology might blow these magazines away like dust on a NES cartridge The nostalgia modern gamers feel towards the gaming elements of their past is cyclical Our forefathers probably complained that their wooden Monopoly sets weren t as good as the ones with pieces made of lead and our grandchildren will probably insist that

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/115/1150951p3.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Hilarious Tales of Video Game Bans - Page 2
    the only other primary reason why video games are ever banned in Brazil Remember This is a country where the average beach contains more erotic material than Dead or Alive As ridiculous as these stories may sound they don t compare to the reasons why countries have decided to ban all video games Greece Bans All Public Games The year was 2002 and Greece was overrun with rampant illegal gambling After a Greek official was videotaped in an illegal video gaming establishment public hysteria prompted officials to hastily draft countermeasures Those measure became law 3037 2002 outlawing all electronic games in public places The European Union drafted a letter stating that Greece was probably violating union policies and that this could lead to prosecution Greek officials held fast even bringing a case against an Internet cafe owner for allowing his patrons to play chess Also keep in mind that arcades that longstanding bastion of the aging gamer s childhood disappeared overnight Although pressure from the European Union forced Greece s government to clarify certain articles the country has never overturned its ban on electronic games Internet cafes still cannot allow patrons to play video games and raids are occasionally conducted by Greek police We would imagine this jails a lot of pimply teenagers and doesn t do much else Venezuela Bans All Violent Video Games Venezuela has long had a policy of responding to rampant crime and corruption with a flourishing distraction masterminded by head Hugo Chavez In 2009 under pressure to do something about the rapidly increasing frequency of gunplay in Venezuelan slums Chavez government outlawed all violent video games Frankly considering how ineffective this has been at stopping violence they might have had better luck just voting to outlaw crime These anecdotes though hilarious illustrate an important concept

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/114/1147080p2.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: GameSpy's 2010 Video Game Roast - Page 2
    in another castle But hey nothing s wrong with hamming it up It s refreshing to see a strong female video game character who doesn t take herself too seriously Samus Aran Speaking of strong female video game characters we d like everyone to put their hands together for a special lady sitting in the front row the one with the d cups and the skin hugging baby blue spandex costume that rides three inches up her ass Yes folks it s Samus Aran the badass bounty hunter admired for being one of the few female heroes in games who hasn t been completely over sexualized or at least she was until Nintendo consoles were able to output graphics detailed enough to give people boners Samus hasn t exactly been a chatty Cathy for most of her career but all that changed with Metroid Other M and frankly we wish she had kept her mouth shut Listen we all figured a lady who carefully applies her makeup and straightens her butt length hair before going to fight mutant space dragons must be a little strange but it turns out this chick has more daddy issues than Mackenzie Phillips As soon as she meets her old commander father figure Adam Malkovich she can t start taking orders from him fast enough to the point where she won t use her heat shields while wading through a pond of lava unless she s told to Listen honey we re sure that whatever futuristic world you live in is plenty open minded If you want to call an older man in a hi tech codpiece daddy and practice your Screw Attack on him you don t need to involve complex plots and killer space jellyfish Just show up at his door with a smile and few extra energy tanks But don t worry we ll always love you for Super Metroid even if your next title ends up being a beach volleyball game and the way things are going that s not an unrealistic prediction Minecraft But let s stop picking on the ladies Hey Notch Yeah you the guy who single handedly made Minecraft We didn t think we could find a stupider place to hide tons of riches than at the bottom of a cave But then you went and proved us wrong by putting several million dollars in your PayPal account We don t know a lot about Sweden but judging from your game it s a spectacularly beautiful place from which to attack farm animals with shovels You should put that on a postcard if your country has a mail system Speaking of the mail system we would love to have the game s main character take a square block shaped 8 bit crap and then mail it to you in one of those conveniently sized USPS boxes You could use it to grow a tree Or you could build a 1 to 1 scale version of the Starship

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/114/1144189p2.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: GameSpy's 2010 Video Game Roast - Page 3
    But seriously we wish you the best Ethan You re a trooper considering all you ve been through Sonic the Hedgehog 4 Now we d like to say a few words about Sonic 4 Yeah that s right Sonic don t you go rolling up into a ball You want to hear this and wipe that smarmy look off your face So after what felt like years of hype we all almost kind of started to care about this game and then it arrived and well let s just say it achieved the near impossible and actually made Sonic Colors which hit only a month or so later seem impressive Yes Sonic s triumphant return to 2D was so bad it actually made people excited to go back to 3D Sonic again In that respect Sonic 4 could be a real force for good in this world just let the patients at the local burn ward play it After playing Sonic 4 not having a face anymore wouldn t seem so bad It s all about perspective Seriously though folks the game s not that terrible but all the same how do you screw up a series whose gameplay consists entirely of holding right and pushing the jump button maybe a dozen times per level Does Japan have its own version of The Jersey Shore It must because we re pretty sure the cast programmed this game But hey it looks like Sonic is powering up his speed dash as we speak so we ll lay off Sonic 4 for now Oh and seriously buy Sonic Colors it s actually not completely terrible and Big the Cat s recent stint in rehab wasn t cheap Alan Wake Not since Dragon s Lair have we spent so much time watching the

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/114/1144189p3.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: GameSpy's 2010 Video Game Roast - Page 4
    your legs you saved our asses Thank you and God bless Kinect You know how sometimes a guy who s in his 40s or 50s will suddenly go through a phase where he tries to be hip Making a motion based control system for an aging console generation is a lot like grandpa buying a red sports car Only midlife crisis grandpa doesn t try to sell you rides in his Corvette for freaking 150 You ARE the 150 dollar controller Seriously who thought that it would be a great idea to make a system that matches your movements precisely Every time we scratch our nuts our onscreen characters hit themselves in the crotch One time we swore our Xbox 360 whispered Just what do you think you re doing Dave when we tried to turn it off But that s OK Microsoft As long as you keep airing your Kinect commercials on Glee and Dancing With the Stars you ll be able to keep fooling clueless grandparents Although your commercials should do more to show that this product is intentionally meant to be purchased by the relatives of fat children Maybe have a game that features a donut on the end of a stick and the child has to run toward it How about a big hand for Kinect everyone It s revolutionary Plastic Guitar Games 2010 may not have been the greatest year for video games but we can t say it was all bad One undeniably great thing happened this year the plastic guitar game fad finally thankfully gasped its last ragged breath Of course Activision and EA will continue to try to milk the Guitar Hero and Rock Band franchises for years to come the games won t actually be gone but thankfully it seems people

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/114/1144189p4.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Platformer Makeover: Making Stale Stage Themes Interesting Again - Page 2
    they could just take inspiration from current headlines What to Expect From the Standard Jungle Stage Hard to time vine swinging challenges and giant flowers that either eat you or can be used as platforms Maybe you ll come across some ancient ruins that the hero can thoughtlessly desecrate as well The Usual Enemy Suspects You know all those animals you see on nature shows the critters from the rainforest that are critically endangered and need your help Well video games aren t hearing that nonsense Rhinos chimps exotic reptiles they re all out to get you and must be destroyed How to Freshen Up the Jungle Stage The jungle stage could provide opportunities for all sorts of interesting power ups If players eat one plant their health bar will be filled and all their status effects cured If they eat a different plant all enemies turn into shrieking clouds of rainbow colored bats then a minute later your character s brain stem melts You ll never know which it s going to be Fun Also forget making snakes and coconut throwing monkeys into enemies have the bad guys be the real jungle threat South American drug cartels And hey I bet they could provide some interesting power ups as well What to Expect From the Standard Spooky Stage This is the stage where level designers feel they can get creative While previous levels just require you to move forward and survive the spooky stage requires you to backtrack find keys look for secret doors and so on In other words they re always a giant pain in the ass The Usual Enemy Suspects Bats skeletons ghosts mummies your fourth grade gym teacher trans fats you know scary stuff How to Freshen Up the Spooky Stage Rather than encountering generic

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/114/1141493p2.html (2016-02-16)
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  • GameSpy: Platformer Makeover: Making Stale Stage Themes Interesting Again - Page 3
    flashing LEDs and various sized pipes At some point a large claw will grab you like you re a plush toy in the machine at the bowling alley Oh and everything is covered in spikes you d think the union for folks that have to work in the facility might object to that but it never seems to be an issue The Usual Enemy Suspects Robots Robots with lasers Also did we mention everything s covered in spikes Well that goes for the bad guys too How to Freshen Up the High Tech Facility Stage The odd thing about these facilities They never actually seem to serve any purpose they re just extremely overcomplicated death traps We should be able to see what these factories are making Maybe when he s not actively trying to take over the world Dr Robotnik funds his future nefarious activities by selling Sonic Land s favorite breakfast cereal all you have to do is drop a dirty sweat sock in a batch taint it and ruin Robotnik economically instead of worrying yourself with all that heroing business It s a much more 21st century way of dealing with things What to Expect from the Standard Circus Amusement Park Stage Garish backgrounds and grating organ grinder music You ll also likely find yourself walking a tightrope being shot out of a cannon and or riding a Ferris wheel at some point The Usual Enemy Suspects Clowns Too many god damn clowns How to Freshen Up the Circus Amusement Park Stage These stages should revolve around the most important denizens of circuses and amusement parks the carnies Giving the carnies cartons of cigarettes you find around the level would get you access to special shortcuts and deep fried power ups But watch out The shortcuts are

    Original URL path: http://www.gamespy.com/articles/114/1141493p3.html (2016-02-16)
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