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  • Glennon Doyle Melton: Mom Power! | Esperanza - Hope To Cope
    at sunset Watching the waves is one of her biggest anxiety relievers My problems seem big but they re not she says There s a rhythm there s something still in charge of all the brutiful parts of my life That is not a misprint Doyle Melton says that because the brutal and the beautiful are so often interconnected in life she frequently uses the word brutiful to describe it You look at your kids and you re thinking I can t believe you re mine and then what happens Thirty seconds later they fall out of their high chair or slap their brother and you think that moment is ruined she says But the truth is it s not ruined Beautiful moments pass and awful moments pass I just try to focus on the beautiful ones When a depressive episode does hit she often reaches for a familiar novel I find a book that s safe and read it over and over again she explains I know what to expect I just don t want any surprises until I can climb my way out In the meantime she doesn t try to hide what she s feeling from her family There is no part of my being that understands the desire parents often have to present themselves as perfect to their kids to always be happy or shining or whatever because I feel like it s selfish Doyle Melton says It might make their kids feel great about them but it makes them feel like crap about themselves when they get sad What I want more than anything is to prepare my children for being human ON BALANCE Doyle Melton likens herself to a hamster on a wheel because she s often obsessed with getting things done She makes a conscious effort to slow down on the home front in ways that help her feel worthy even when she s not crossing something off a to do list I try to force myself to do something for 20 minutes with my children that is not productive she says That s where love is Parenting is difficult enough without mental health issues in the mix she says For one thing she s constantly navigating new territory as her children move through ages and stages Her oldest daughter started asking why magazines feature so many pictures of skinny blonde women Her son talks about tough issues at school such as bullying and now has a phone that needs monitoring I m noticing it s more mentally challenging she admits My hands are literally less full but the problems are getting bigger Through her frank writing what she calls living out loud Doyle Melton works through her challenges inspiring others to do the same She wakes at 5 a m to work on her second book scheduled for publication in fall 2016 The new memoir will be a candid look at how she and her husband fought their way back from an

    Original URL path: http://www.hopetocope.com/glennon-doyle-melton-mom-power/ (2016-02-14)
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  • Relationships | Esperanza - Hope To Cope - Part 7
    By esperanza August 20 2009 1 51 pm Readers weigh in on how they have maintained relationships when living with anxiety and depression Read more Hand in Hand By Sharon Waldrop August 20 2009 1 42 pm Marriages thrive best when depression becomes our problem Depression in one partner affects both parties in the marriage About half the adult population in the U S and Canada are married but no hard statistics turn up on how many of those marriages are affected by mental illness Read more Viewpoint When words fail us By Michael Rafferty May 19 2009 10 38 am By Michael Rafferty I am mentally ill How does one respond to that statement By trying to change the subject Moving sharp objects away from Read more Everyday Heroes Mary Jo Codey By esperanza May 19 2009 10 33 am IN THE SPOTLIGHT Postpartum depression nearly killed Mary Jo Codey Nearly two decades later however she doesn t feel like someone who s out of the woods Read more Everyday Heroes Amy Sky By esperanza May 19 2009 10 29 am MOOD MUSIC When it comes to mental health Amy Sky believes in using metaphors to spread messages of hope For more than a decade the Read more Everyday Heroes Katherine Stone By esperanza May 19 2009 10 24 am BLOGGER ON A MISSION Others turn to medication or therapy to help them through postpartum depression or related disorders Katherine Stone turned to the keyboard Read more PREVIOUS 1 2 6 7 8 NEXT CURRENT ISSUE Recent Issues November 1 2015 2 07 pm Fall 2015 GLENNON DOYLE MELTON Truth warrior In her Momastery blog her popular speaking tours and her book Carry On Warrior Glennon Doyle Melton shows it s OK Read more August 1 2015 2 07 pm Summer 2015 LEE WOODRUFF STRESS TEST After a family crisis left Lee Woodruff with symptoms of depression and anxiety she found the courage to reach out for Read more May 5 2015 9 31 am Spring 2015 DEPRESSION WHAT BREED IS YOUR BLACK DOG The unwelcome pup looks different for everyone and your particular form of depression can make a difference in choosing Read more February 1 2015 2 12 pm Winter 2015 TAKE THIS TO THE BANK Stressing out about finances These strategies can help you take control of your wallet and your worries by Kelly James Enger Read more SoundOFF MOMS DEPRESSION What is it like to be a mom with depression What is hardest for you What helps you cope CLICK HERE TO ANSWER CURRENT RESEARCH Shake It Off Not So Easy for People with Depression New Brain Research Suggests 2 27 2015 Harsh winter brings some psychological benefits says UB researcher 2 24 2015 Study Linking Suicidal Behavior Psychotic Experiences May Yield Strategies to Help Prevent Suicide Attempts 2 24 2015 Suicide Risk Falls Substantially After Talk Therapy 11 20 2014 A New Test Measures Analytical Thinking Linked to Depression Fueling the Idea That Depression

    Original URL path: http://www.hopetocope.com/relationships/page/7/ (2016-02-14)
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  • Relationships | Esperanza - Hope To Cope - Part 8
    2009 5 29 pm Reaching out finding comfort By Jenny Stamos I can understand how others look at me and think How can she be depressed She Read more Everyday Heroes Taking a stand By esperanza December 26 2008 12 05 pm After struggling in silence an attorney advocates for other lawyers with depression By Donna Jackel For years Daniel L was a dedicated family man and Read more A Case of the Blues By esperanza December 26 2008 11 56 am Why so much depression in the legal profession Read more Working Through It By esperanza December 26 2008 11 13 am If depression accompanies you to work here s how to cope Read more The Myths of Teenage Depression By Nicole Peradotto November 14 2008 10 01 am Is it adolescent angst or something more Discover the true face of teen depression and how to get the help you and your family need Read more PREVIOUS 1 2 7 8 CURRENT ISSUE Recent Issues November 1 2015 2 07 pm Fall 2015 GLENNON DOYLE MELTON Truth warrior In her Momastery blog her popular speaking tours and her book Carry On Warrior Glennon Doyle Melton shows it s OK Read more August 1 2015 2 07 pm Summer 2015 LEE WOODRUFF STRESS TEST After a family crisis left Lee Woodruff with symptoms of depression and anxiety she found the courage to reach out for Read more May 5 2015 9 31 am Spring 2015 DEPRESSION WHAT BREED IS YOUR BLACK DOG The unwelcome pup looks different for everyone and your particular form of depression can make a difference in choosing Read more February 1 2015 2 12 pm Winter 2015 TAKE THIS TO THE BANK Stressing out about finances These strategies can help you take control of your wallet and your worries by Kelly James Enger Read more SoundOFF MOMS DEPRESSION What is it like to be a mom with depression What is hardest for you What helps you cope CLICK HERE TO ANSWER CURRENT RESEARCH Shake It Off Not So Easy for People with Depression New Brain Research Suggests 2 27 2015 Harsh winter brings some psychological benefits says UB researcher 2 24 2015 Study Linking Suicidal Behavior Psychotic Experiences May Yield Strategies to Help Prevent Suicide Attempts 2 24 2015 Suicide Risk Falls Substantially After Talk Therapy 11 20 2014 A New Test Measures Analytical Thinking Linked to Depression Fueling the Idea That Depression May Be a Form of Adaptation 11 19 2014 CONNECT esperanza s Hope Write a Letter to the Editor SoundOFF Forum Home About Us My Account Checkout Professional Writers Advertising Contact Us Partners Portal Cart Subscribe Back to Top Copyright 2015 Hope to Cope All Rights Reserved Newsletter Signup esperanza Magazine s e newsletter offers the latest research news healthy lifestyle features and inspirational profiles for our depression and anxiety community If you are a human and are seeing this field please leave it blank Fields marked with a are required Afghanistan Albania

    Original URL path: http://www.hopetocope.com/relationships/page/8/ (2016-02-14)
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  • The Myths of Teenage Depression | Esperanza - Hope To Cope
    consequences Using consequences to modify misbehavior is a time honored parenting technique For the most part the strategy works for kids of all ages The same child who stopped acting up to avoid being sent to the time out chair when he was 3 years old will shape up at 13 if the alternative means an earlier curfew Depressed teens are another story Taking away privileges tends to fuel their despair If you tell your child that you can t trust him with the car and he has to earn your trust he thinks I ll never earn her trust I m a loser and I have no friends says Michigan psychologist Laurie Assadi MA author of Waking from the Nightmare Giving Our Children Optimism CCLD 2007 Remember kids are driven to be normal So if they can t do those things that they normally do they feel more and more alienated What you need to do is acknowledge and remind yourself that if your child could do better he would do better At the same time parents shouldn t drop all expectations of their child Instead you need to choose your battles wisely Ask yourself How important is this to me Is this something I can let go If everything your child does is not OK with you you have no negotiation power Barzvi says But if you say I m going to let you do a b c and d but not e they ll know you re not on their back for everything Myth No 6 When a depressed teen refuses help there s nothing you can do If your child won t keep an appointment with the therapist don t abandon the idea For starters go in her place There are other things you can do too notes Kaufman Say to your kid You don t think you re depressed but I think you are So humor me I m your parent and I m worried If you re not depressed the doctor will say you re not depressed But let s give it a try The best advice I give is to keep trying Glod says If your child had asthma or a really bad infection you wouldn t accept it if he didn t want to go to the pediatrician Parents should also consider casting their net wide in the search for help You can coordinate a plan with your child s school You can engage your child s friends to be part of their support team Reidenberg says You can spend time with your teen listen to them and plan activities with them You can encourage them in healthy living skills You can keep a regular routine at home You know your teen better than anybody else does even the best psychologist or doctor It is your job to do something Myth No 7 Antidepressants are unsuitable for teenagers In 2004 the U S Food and Drug Administration FDA ordered that antidepressants carry a black box label warning consumers of their association with an increased risk of suicidal thinking feeling and behavior in children and adolescents Other countries including Canada took similar measures What followed was a steep drop in antidepressant prescriptions for youngsters and at the same time an unprecedented spike in child and teen suicides Teen suicide was going down for years steadily down Then there s this big spike up Is it coincidence We don t really know but it s very interesting says Kenneth Duckworth MD medical director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness NAMI Parents too often ignore or minimize their child s symptoms instead believing it to be normal adolescence While antidepressants pose some risks for a small percent of teenagers Duckworth argues that they shouldn t be categorically ruled out as a component of treatment You never start with meds you start by looking at every aspect of the child s life he advises Maybe you can get results from therapy and family work and there are no side effects from those But if you let that risk of side effects drive your decision making then you may put your child at greater risk Ultimately if the teen his parents and his doctor agree that he should take antidepressants the decision must be coupled with a commitment to monitor his progress The FDA s recommendation is that a child or adolescent should be seen once a week for the first four weeks when they start antidepressant treatment or anytime there is a dose adjustment says Cheung Once the teen s dosage of medication is stable parents should continue to remain vigilant to any changes in their child s behavior It s critical that parents monitor for side effects from treatment and worsening of the depression in between follow ups with their physicians Myth No 8 Depression affects teenage boys and girls equally The prevalence is two to one girls to boys and we don t know why that is Glod says A recent study of teenagers at 18 different Chicago area schools sheds some light on the issue Researchers at the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of South Carolina asked students to record their worst event of the day in their diaries every day for a week at three different dates the study launch and six and 12 months later They later evaluated how stressful the events were and classified them as interpersonal involving an interaction with a family member teacher peer or romantic partner or achievement involving academics or athletic performance What did they find Girls in the study experienced twice as many interpersonal stressors as boys and reacted more strongly to those stressors than did their male counterparts Myth No 9 Depressed teens will get better if they resume their normal routine Parents often assume that their teen is out of sorts because she stopped following her daily routine But in this case they re confusing the cause of depression

    Original URL path: http://www.hopetocope.com/the-myths-of-teenage-depression-3/ (2016-02-14)
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  • Sandwich Stress | Esperanza - Hope To Cope
    life and our parents are living longer Thirty years ago at age 50 my kids would have been graduating from college and my parents would have passed away In addition it has become the norm for women to hold a job outside the home The pressures of full time work on top of full time caregiving responsibilities can strain even the most capable people Laurie 45 of Regina Saskatchewan developed depression six years ago when she was called upon to care for her recently widowed mother At the time her younger son was just 22 months old As a sandwich generation person I found out only too well how pressured I could feel in the midst of competing priorities she recalls When Laurie returned to work following an extended maternity leave she says she found herself unprepared to face challenges on the job while feeling depleted from elder and child care Says Laurie Something inside of me I think it is that thing called hope vanished completely I felt increasingly upset inside I cried every morning for the year leading up to my burnout telling myself I was releasing stress I felt powerless confused and distraught Her depressive symptoms spilled over into her job she says I had a definite slowed down response I struggled to focus to complete what I was doing Managing expectations According to statistics compiled by the Family Caregiver Alliance caregivers of all sorts report more employment problems personal stress and mental and physical health problems as well as less time to spend with other family members and do things they enjoy The Shriver Report noted that the emotional and physical stress of caregiving creates an additional 4 billion a year in health care costs in the United States Zoe 50 a writer based in Albany California faced depression in her late 30s while caring for her two children and chronically ill mother She remembers how feeling pulled in two directions compromised her well being A lot of my depression was driven by the fact that I felt badly that I was so distracted and depleted by the situation she recalls I felt like I wasn t really giving to my family my children or my husband in the way I wanted to be I was really missing in action on some basic emotional level I found out only too well how pressured I could feel in the midst of competing priorities I got isolated in the experience she recalls I remember coming back from spending a weekend with my mother and feeling emotionally dead I was definitely depressed I remember feeling a lot of despair this sense of being very shut down You aren t fully present in your own life Zoe dealt with her depression through therapy running and yoga and used acupuncture and other approaches to deal with the many physical manifestations of grief and exhaustion she says She also worked through her complicated emotions while writing Imperfect Endings A Daughter s Story of Love Loss and Letting Go Simon Schuster 2010 While depression should be treated through interventions such as medication and counseling experts stress that it s important to address the underlying cause as well as the symptoms Shoshana and other experts emphasize that avoiding overload is the key to minimizing or preventing depression To do that successfully moms in the middle must communicate their feelings about their situation ask for help and learn to take better care of themselves I teach my clients who are caregivers that it is their number one duty to make sure they don t burn out because if they do they re not good for anyone anymore says Shoshana Shoshana learned that lesson first hand Despite years of counseling her own patients it took her a while to learn how to walk the walk when she joined the sandwich generation herself For her that meant a commitment to self care and scaling back her self expectations I shifted my own perspective says Shoshana I made a chunk of two hours twice a week for myself and it was only for me If other people are always coming first you get resentful and it backfires That had been happening in my home and I finally took responsibility for it She also addressed her feelings of inadequacy and distraction I finally got to the point of saying I m doing the best that I can I m handling a lot and I m doing really well at it All that negative self talk had been pulling my precious energy down Still it can be hard for people to step back from caregiving responsibilities Many individuals believe no one can look out for their loved ones as well as they do A lot of people in the sandwich generation feel obligated to take care of their parents and their kids says Dr Serena Wadhwa PsyD LCPC a clinical therapist in suburban Chicago and an adjunct professor at Governor s State University and they may have very unrealistic expectations of themselves Wadhwa specializes in the prevention reduction and management of chronic stress and burnout She says her clients who are caregivers think and say they believe they need to be 100 percent for both their kids and their parents at the same time She warns that unless people put firm boundaries in place to limit demands they won t be in a position to help anyone I get exhausted just hearing what some of my clients go through Wadhwa says Part of the reason they do it may relate to plain old guilt Sometimes they say they don t have a choice in the matter But there are some boundaries and limitations we can set There are options Despite everything Julie H went through trying to care for her children and her husband s grandparents she realized she was heading down the same road when her mother began to need more help In retrospect she realizes she should have

    Original URL path: http://www.hopetocope.com/sandwich-stress-3/ (2016-02-14)
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  • Making peace with parenting | Esperanza - Hope To Cope
    to feel that it was her job to make me feel better says Pata who was diagnosed with depression when she was 16 So not only did I say that I appreciated her efforts I also told her that it was not her responsibility I wanted her to know that she could be the child and that I am the parent even if I struggle at times Focus on fathers In clinical circles men have a notorious reputation for holding in their emotions Men are expected to be competent and able to handle anything so they don t usually ask for help says David Sheftel program coordinator at BC Council for Families in Vancouver That creates a self defeating cycle he points out If dads aren t asking for support then funders and service providers don t provide it because they don t see a need But we have to be able to say It s OK to feel this way to share and here s a safe environment for that Chen Z Oren PhD a counseling psychologist in private practice in Westlake Village California started a weekly men s group three years ago to give some of his male clients a chance to connect and express themselves in a way that doesn t frequently happen outside of therapy Oren says the single sex group allows participants to identify strengths and speak the language of men We ll take examples of sports or cars and apply them to examples of working with their family To be able to do one good or right thing for your children in the course of a day even if it s just putting a bowl of cereal on the breakfast table is something to build on A hockey fan might be encouraged to foster at home the type of communication sacrifice and teamwork it takes to win the Stanley Cup for instance Given his career as a counselor Jason Z has no qualms talking about his feelings The 36 year old from Johnson City Tennessee was diagnosed with major depressive disorder in 2002 and post traumatic stress disorder in 2003 after combat tours in the Middle East and Bosnia He works in a residential treatment program for veterans diagnosed with both substance abuse and mental disorders Jason who is divorced takes his 8 year old daughter Sara on an annual trip to Disneyworld He always goes with another family so he can take regularly scheduled breaks If he doesn t the hypervigilance that comes from scanning crowds a natural reaction from his Army days results in a depressive episode marked by insomnia irritability anger and the need to isolate He takes refuge in an oversized bathroom as a preventive measure or retreats to his car to listen to music write poetry and meditate When he s done he texts his friends to find out where they are and within minutes he s telling his daughter Hey daddy s back We just kind of pick up where we left off Jason who takes medication and sees a therapist is quick to say he doesn t blame himself for his illness But he does believe that while he can t always control how he feels he can control his reactions So when Sara asks if they can go to the park he takes her even if it s the last thing he wants to be doing in that moment I ll be in a better mood by the time we leave because she s had some happiness in her day and I won t feel guilty that my illness is affecting her he says I just do my best to ensure she has as normal a childhood as possible I didn t ask for this but then again neither did she Hard truths With the weight of tradition telling us that being a mom or dad is the most wonderful thing in the world it s not easy to admit that day to day it sometimes sucks When her two sons were little Cheryl H an artist from Toronto would declare a time out and lock herself in the bathroom when she felt overwhelmed With both boys diagnosed with Asperger s syndrome talking in complete sentences at 18 months and describing the job of white blood cells at 3 she was often exhausted trying to keep up Despite her exhaustion she had trouble sleeping I just do my best to ensure my daughter has as normal a childhood as possible I didn t ask for this but then again neither did she To know that my kids needed more of me than I could give them was heartbreaking stressful and too much to cope with says Cheryl who was officially diagnosed with depression in 2010 Medication visits to her therapist twice a month and cognitive behavioral techniques have increased her resilience She is better able to deconstruct thought patterns that used to lead to bouts of crying and insomnia She relied heavily on her mother in law to watch the boys now 11 and 9 but now feels more capable of addressing their needs To guarantee some me time she hires a childhood educator to engage her sons The chance to make art renews her spirits While working with colors and textures she says I am able to go to a place in my mind where I m very confident and clear I look at things differently In the end those airline instructions to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others should probably be the basic approach to parenting with depression Missy says she s in the best place she s ever been after adopting that philosophy She s lost 50 pounds and made other lifestyle changes including less time in bed and on the couch I ve just been taking really good care of myself she explains Instead of thinking I should be a better mother which is so huge and vague I

    Original URL path: http://www.hopetocope.com/making-peace-with-parenting-3/ (2016-02-14)
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  • Reversal in Need, Who Would Have Known | Esperanza - Hope To Cope
    created enthusiasm and creativity much more than shopping and wrapping the usual Christmas gift Give this idea a try and watch your own children s reactions Reflection Question What s on your Christmas list this year Tagged with Carol Kivler communication motivation About the author Carol Kivler Has 44 Articles Carol A Kivler MS CSP of Lawrence NJ is the founder of Courageous Recovery a division of Kivler Communications designed to raise awareness remove the stigma and instill hope in those who live with a mental health diagnosis Her mission is to have society and medical professionals view individuals living with mental illness as courageous survivors who want to be accepted not rejected respected not pitied and admired not feared Carol provides programs to hospitals medical and nursing schools as well to associations organizations and corporations Further Carol has been interviewed numerous times about her experience on television radio and in print Carol has written two books My Journal of Gratitude and Will I Ever Be the Same Again Transforming the Face of ECT She is currently working on her next book Unwrapping the Gifts from Depression Visit Carol s websites www CourageousRecovery com and www carolkivler com LEAVE YOUR COMMENT Cancel reply Your email address will not be published Required fields are marked First Name or Nickname Do not use full name Email Message RELATED ARTICLES A Common Stumbling Block In Many Relationships December 17 2015 12 01 am It happened again last night I went to bed without turning off the outside Christmas lights When I woke up in the morning guess what How to Say NO When It s Hard to Do September 10 2015 12 01 am Over the years I have worked with many people who had such a difficult time when it came to saying no Maybe this is you It s Never TOO Late to Communicate April 16 2015 12 01 am Has this ever happened to you You re in a discussion argument just after it ends you find yourself thinking I wish I d said A Simple Greeting That Lifts Up Lives March 19 2015 12 01 am Has this ever happened to you You run in to someone you haven t seen in a while Wanting to be polite acknowledge them you Book Categories All Books Anxiety Depression Children For Loved Ones Living Well Memoirs Treatment CURRENT ISSUE Recent Issues November 1 2015 2 07 pm Fall 2015 GLENNON DOYLE MELTON Truth warrior In her Momastery blog her popular speaking tours and her book Carry On Warrior Glennon Doyle Melton shows it s OK Read more August 1 2015 2 07 pm Summer 2015 LEE WOODRUFF STRESS TEST After a family crisis left Lee Woodruff with symptoms of depression and anxiety she found the courage to reach out for Read more May 5 2015 9 31 am Spring 2015 DEPRESSION WHAT BREED IS YOUR BLACK DOG The unwelcome pup looks different for everyone and your particular form of depression can

    Original URL path: http://www.hopetocope.com/blog/reversal-in-need-who-would-have-known/ (2016-02-14)
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  • On my mind: A parent's learning curve | Esperanza - Hope To Cope
    task So I took her to a family doctor the only place I could get her in She was given an inaccurate diagnosis of depression and put on an antidepressant Within a very short time she was as sick as she ever would be Really none of us knew what we were doing We were all even the doctors just fumbling along If I had known then what I know now I would have pulled my head up brushed the sand from my face and listened When my older daughter started school and began to tell me I have ADHD I would have dug deeper into why she felt that way instead of just dismissing it When she became a defiant teenager I would have resisted matching her anger with my own When she was verbally abusive I would have responded I love you but I can t talk to you when you re like this I would have given her the support to heal without smothering her with my ineffective attempts at fixing her As it is her struggles led me to the National Alliance on Mental Illness NAMI The knowledge and empathy I acquired from NAMI helped get us through the sudden decompensation of my younger daughter making her road to wellness that much smoother although I wish I d known to pay more mind to her horrible night terrors and social struggles early on The truth is I could not fix either of my children They did not improve until I stepped back and let them do what was necessary to become the wonderful women they are who they were so clearly and rightly destined to be What I know now is that no one is truly alone or helpless Like so many we share a story of survival and family and love And though I will never truly know what goes on in my daughters heads I do have a better idea Karen Winters Schwartz is a writer speaker and president of NAMI Syracuse Her novels include Where Are the Cocoa Puffs A Family s Journey Through Bipolar Disorder and the forthcoming The Chocolate Debacle About the author taazaa Has 8 Articles LEAVE YOUR COMMENT Cancel reply Your email address will not be published Required fields are marked First Name or Nickname Do not use full name Email Message CURRENT ISSUE Recent Issues November 1 2015 2 07 pm Fall 2015 GLENNON DOYLE MELTON Truth warrior In her Momastery blog her popular speaking tours and her book Carry On Warrior Glennon Doyle Melton shows it s OK Read more August 1 2015 2 07 pm Summer 2015 LEE WOODRUFF STRESS TEST After a family crisis left Lee Woodruff with symptoms of depression and anxiety she found the courage to reach out for Read more May 5 2015 9 31 am Spring 2015 DEPRESSION WHAT BREED IS YOUR BLACK DOG The unwelcome pup looks different for everyone and your particular form of depression can make a difference

    Original URL path: http://www.hopetocope.com/on-my-mind-a-parents-learning-curve/ (2016-02-14)
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