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  • Change Of Heart?
    still remains so suddenly it wasn t right enough sincere or whatever other reason they choose to give it to try to explain why YOUR changing didn t change THEM They may then request a series of changes contradicting what they thought they wanted first and then they change significant others But OF COURSE people can and do change intentionally or subconsciously all through their lives Sometimes in a million little gradual ways sometimes in big noticeable ways Sometimes in very fundamental ways too But not all changes last especially if you drift into them unintentionally and figure out that the changes don t fit or help A couple who is interacting in a healthy manner communicating clearly and sharing their thoughts fully change over time but in ways that are adapted to each other For one thing they re changing in response to similar circumstances and from a similar background the one that led them to bond in the first place Have you ever seen those studies where long term spouses begin to resemble each other But if the members of a couple aren t encouraging adapting to things TOGETHER then yes they might change in ways that cause them to become incompatible Think of how different spouses might react to the loss of a child or some other major tragedy Sometimes that brings a couple closer but often they withdraw and drift apart Using change as a reason for marital problems is therefore a lousy basis to make decisions If you changed and drifted apart you could keep changing and work back together again But if you never changed from day one then what s so different NOW from your wedding day Can t have it both ways Posted on the Midlife Club Forum by forum member pegasus

    Original URL path: http://midlifeclub.com/change-of-heart.htm (2016-04-27)
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  • Hiring A Divorce Lawyer
    and I fired him and hired the seventh guy on my list He was great I told him all the details of my situation he told me what was possible and reasonable then set about making it happen A big retainer is often a sign that they expect to run up huge bills Get them to detail exactly how much time they expect to be doing what in your situation You re their employer you have a right to know this And ask about basic divorce packages A couple lawyers I talked to had a basic package that most divorces would fit into for a fixed price If things went south you could order a la carte for additional services if and when you needed them Posted on the Midlife Club Forum by forum member pegasus All rights reserved Posted in Survivor Wisdom Categories Crisis or Transition HER Crisis HIS Crisis Midlife Affairs Midlife Divorce Q A Relationships Sexual Issues Survivor Wisdom Resources Alimony Formula Choices Divorce Suicide Divorce 360 DivorceBusting Divorce Care Divorce Info Divorce Support Divorce com DivorceNet Dr Phil Expert Law Forums Five Love Languages HIVTest org Imago Relationships Lessons for Living LiveStrong com LoserRx Marriage Builders

    Original URL path: http://midlifeclub.com/hiring-a-divorce-lawyer.htm (2016-04-27)
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  • Taking Care of Myself
    ourselves emotionally as well as physically Believe me Im not an expert and this concept is new to me as well but when I m doing a good job at it it s amazing how much brighter the world appears to be Here are some ideas that work for me Journaling my feelings ideas thoughts dreams plans Taking vitamines especially the B complex Eating a better diet with more fruits less refines sugars and cutting down on caffeine Ok I reall suck at this one but it feels good to try Getting an exercise routine started telling yourself that this is for YOUR health and stress reduction Yup suck at this too but I can definately see the benefits GET OUT of your house and around people Call a friend go shopping to a movie a coffee shop and start up a conversation with a stranger Open the door for an elder Buy yourself some new music and let it speak to you Sit STILL for just 15 minutes and try to clear your head If you can t journal what wont stop bugging you Throw on a upbeat CD and grab your hairbrush mic just like when you were younger Find an outlet for your stress through creativity art or even exercize Learn to say NO to the things you really dont want to do and YES to things that might feel a bit self indulgent realizing that other people will not fall apart if you aren t there for their every demand at every minute they request Most imporantly put these things as a TOP priority before you try and give to anyone else because giving from a dry well only builds resentments and the feelings of being taken advantage of The good news is that NO ONE

    Original URL path: http://midlifeclub.com/taking-care-of-myself.htm (2016-04-27)
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  • Some Good Out of the Pain
    I found myself out of my comfort zone everyday trying to maintain a certain standard that was driving me crazy and creating for me a life that was ONLY work I have let go there too Now my next area to work on is me I didn t have a life outside of work and I don t know how to develop one I know I am interesting but I feel boring because I am such a solitary person that I must force myself to do things Where do I look How do I do that and start fresh That is my next big goal and it is still dificult I filed he filed almost on the same day and I am constantly still thinking about what went wrong This concentrating on myself is a lot more difficult that it looks but I am still refreshed by the two big changes that have happened already A short story Kafka s Metamorphosis is about a man who turns into a cockroach At first he is overly concerned about his family and what will happen to them The family becomes surprisingly resilient and stronger because he is no longer there They flourish However the man remains the cochroach I told my husband the story and smiled I probably shouldn t have done that but it was right at the beginning of this whole divorce thing I also have learned something else about not beating myself up over I see where I could have done some different things earlier in our marriage the kids swallowed me up and so did my job BUT WE DO THE BEST WITH WHAT WE CAN AT THE TIME and I have to remind myself of that Now my adult children have wonderful lives of their own and

    Original URL path: http://midlifeclub.com/some-good-out-of-the-pain.htm (2016-04-27)
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  • Life Is A Tapestry
    of it The picture is kind of hazy there are small threads that end and stick out There are ends of thread that begin a new section There are new colors added and the design flows along in a seemingly haphazard pattern until you turn it over Then the beauty and completeness of the picture is revealed Even though you KNOW that there are threads on the back that end abruptly you can t see them on the front On the front side they are woven seamlessly into the whole creation Though we don t see it all now and can t understand it we can rest easy knowing that on the day it is completed we will see the front side of the tapestry of our lives and know how and why it was designed this way Each tapestry is unique and special Right now you don t have closure and wish that your other man would talk to you and tell you what he s thinking and why it s ending You want and need his validation that it was ended for good and not for bad and that ending it is the wisest choice for your life Rather than wishing and feeling sad angry or frustrated that you don t know if ending it is the right path trust that the tapestry and the weaver know what they are creating and that when you look back on it from the front side it will all make sense The day will come when you WILL be ok with this The day will come when you WILL know for sure that ending it was the right path to take for your life For now it s enough to know that you don t have to know all the answers

    Original URL path: http://midlifeclub.com/life-is-a-tapestry.htm (2016-04-27)
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  • Time To Feel
    you I don t know where off the wall behavior fits into this scenario but for the seekers tuning into what your body is telling you and not just your head is something to pay mind to I have told myself for years that I should be happy as is Something is changing inside me though and I can no longer let my ego and my voice argue with each other It s just too damned exhausting I m no longer interested in fighting a losing battle The toll it s taking on me is doing more harm than good to EVERYONE and all I m left with in the end is this feeling of failure Doing things because I felt I should or because I wanted to protect other people only turns around and hurts the people I care the most about anyway So why keep fighting It s time to give in and give up the ghost Life is going to change as it should no matter how hard I push against it Just saying that giving myself permission to FEEL what I feel instead of trying to deny or argue it gives me a sense of relief a lifted weight a slight sense of calm Those are the messages I should be listening to instead of the tapes I recorded and replayed over and over until I could hear nothing else till now Posted to the Midlife Club Forum in 2007 by forum member RotorWashed All rights reserved Posted in Survivor Wisdom Categories Crisis or Transition HER Crisis HIS Crisis Midlife Affairs Midlife Divorce Q A Relationships Sexual Issues Survivor Wisdom Resources Alimony Formula Choices Divorce Suicide Divorce 360 DivorceBusting Divorce Care Divorce Info Divorce Support Divorce com DivorceNet Dr Phil Expert Law Forums Five Love Languages

    Original URL path: http://midlifeclub.com/time-to-feel.htm (2016-04-27)
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  • My Changing Perspective
    THE WORLD who can help me create the LIFE I THOUGHT I HAD AND STILL WANT And what really torques me off is that HE DOESN T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE WANTS yet he s derailing what we ve invested 25 years in He s now preventing me from having what I want what I ve always wanted what he agreed he wanted too but he doesn t even know why It helps I think that husband is so far away If I had to see feel smell him nearby it would be next to impossible to think clearly I don t know how people do it But the longer he goes without even EMAILING me the easier it is to see that he s being a selfish cold a Regardless of his reasons justifications and needs he has NO RIGHT to treat me that way It s just plain RUDE I only deserve it if I LET him and if I LET HIM he has every reason to continue Not that I can change his behavior by let him I mean it s only bad treatment if I expect better from him It s slowly settling in my head that I simply cannot expect anything better from the person he currently is AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO OR SAY OR NOT DO OR NOT SAY TO CHANGE THAT I don t want a divorce yet although I have to admit the thought doesn t make me sob anymore just weep a bit And I m sure that when the papers are filed by either side it will be a very rough time But I m just starting to be able to accept that it just might be exactly what I need to do to get back to the LIFE I THOUGHT I HAD What do I want I want to be cherished cuddled and complimented by someone who is committed to being kind and faithful to ME and ME ALONE I don t want to spend any more time feeling settled for always feeling like I ve somehow failed come up lacking I realize that at least for the past couple of years that s exactly what I was feeling but I was clinging to what I thought we really had and trying to figure out what I was doing wrong what he was so unhappy about I want someone who is secure in himself enough and respects himself AND ME enough to SHARE his thoughts fears dreams weaknesses I USED to have that with husband not sure when that went away I want someone who is happy to see me hear from me be with me and is strong enough to show that If that person is the one I ve invested 25 40 of my life with that would be great but I m no longer looking at it as a loss of that time if this is as far as it goes The loss

    Original URL path: http://midlifeclub.com/my-changing-perspective-2.htm (2016-04-27)
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  • When Midlife Man Is Yanking Your Chain
    understandable But each of you have had your spouses do something most would not put up with You then got angry and pushed back They are not used to you pushing back I m sure it s been awhile They then come back and WOO you because they are afraid they are going to lose you or you won t be there for them Sooooo they go all out and try and woo you back Let me tell you they pull out all the stops I believe that each of you have seen this in the past few days You each say they say all the right things yep they do Just like they know which buttons to push to make you upset they know which buttons to push to make you swoon But more than likely it is just the honeymoon period They will only keep this façade up for so long I have probably been on more honeymoons than anyone so I know what I m talking about Each time this happens it takes another piece of you another piece of your self esteem They will promise you That they won t drink again if that is the situation you are in That they will quit talking to OW That they won t talk to you like that anymore put you down or berate you That they will go to counseling then see how long they follow through with it They NEED YOU and that feels soooooooooo good cause we all want to be needed So many other things that apply JUST TO YOU Now if I would have known what I know now I would have done many things differently The first one is not to threaten to leave or divorce or separate unless I REALLY meant it and could stand behind my words Otherwise it becomes like the boy who cried wolf They know you are just bluffing and can t go through with it They actually lose respect for you because you aren t strong enough to follow through The second thing I learned is that they would have to PROVE to me that what they are saying while they are trying to WOO me back is for real They would have to not only say it but have the ACTIONS follow However the actions would not have to only be followed for a few days or a week or two It would have to be actions that continue and continue I can t put a time frame on it but believe me it s got to be more than a couple of day or a week So you see my biggest regret is that I did not follow through with my words early on Had I I would have been in control of my destiny and not have it dictated by him I could have been out from underneath his control and gotten on with my life sooooo much earlier I wouldn t have

    Original URL path: http://midlifeclub.com/when-midlife-man-is-yanking-your-chain.htm (2016-04-27)
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