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  • It's Not Who You Know... - Steffan Antonas
    Category Psychology Philosophy Tags Business Networking Psychology Relationships Comments 15 Comments Post navigation Previous Post Autonomy In Your Work Next Post Video Demo Prototype of Translation in Google Goggles 15 Comments Fraser February 23 2010 at 2 00 pm Beautifully said And I think the relationship needs to go both ways for it to be healthy Once it shifts out of equilibrium it s probably worth maintaining other relationships that you know will continue to help Steffan Antonas February 23 2010 at 2 26 pm That s a very good point You ve got to maintain a balance in your relationships I think we had a similar chat here http blog steffanantonas com the cookie jar p Fraser February 23 2010 at 2 28 pm that s still one of the best posts on the topic that I ve read Steffan Antonas February 25 2010 at 1 12 pm The quality of the comments discussion on that post are almost certainly the best on this blog I think finding balance in relationships is something we all want but that very few people are good at achieving Fraser February 25 2010 at 1 33 pm do you think it s ironic that that post generated the best discussion kidding AJ Bombers February 25 2010 at 11 53 pm I particularly enjoyed this premise LIVE with you on Wednesday while you were in Palo Alto it was a fun experiment by you that led to results in real time from across the continent Kudos Sir Steffan Antonas February 26 2010 at 10 03 am Hahha Twitter is great like that I asked a simple question where is the best place to get lunch and within 5 minutes you sent me to a killer spot I never would have found on my own and it totally changed my day So no thank you JeffHurt February 26 2010 at 6 21 am I agree that it has to go both ways for the relationship to work I think it is similar to a relationship bank account As long as you are making some type of emotional or relationship deposits within in my account I ll let you make withdraws And depending upon the strength of our relationship and trust I ll even let you over draw on the account from time to time But if you continue to ask for help and don t give back in anyway I question the value of the relationship And I begin to see the person asking for help as a energy sucker there to suck the very life out of me It s a delicate balance for sure Steffan Antonas February 26 2010 at 10 06 am This goes back to the discussion I was having with Fraser above Have you read my post on The Cookie Jar Principal It s exactly what you re saying here Link to the post is above in the comments Jordan English Gross February 26 2010 at 2 26 pm Any

    Original URL path: http://blog.steffanantonas.com/its-not-what-you-know (2016-05-02)
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  • Achieving Empathy - Steffan Antonas
    The topic has been on my mind for a while now not just because it s the holidays although it is particularly appropriate timing Perhaps this will resonate with you I ve been doing some web work with a non profit these past few weeks and I find that in many situations what makes the difference for the success of campaigns sparking participation increasing donations getting web site visitors to participate in conversation etc is first triggering empathy and second designing in a feedback loop that starts with a small measurable finite request for participation Triggering empathy is tough though you ve got to be a master story teller Text doesnt work people don t read and enticing participation with marketing that includes impersonal pictures and videos of lots of people who need help doesn t work either Donors want to feel that they have made a difference via feedback everyone wants to make a direct connection to the person people they are helping and see the results of that aid given back to them This is the magic formula that non profits need to shoot for That s the long story about why I have empathy on the brain Do you have any examples of non profits on the web that are innovating You re the perfect perfect person to help me answer these questions Ideas Examples I d be delighted to hear your thoughts GlobalPatriot November 30 2009 at 11 22 am I m also working with a non profit that is in the process of re branding name change and expanding their presence in social media I ll give you more data when we launch in 30 days They are working with kids who are very smart but live below the poverty level You re spot on when you say Everyone wants to make a direct connection to the person people they are helping and see the results of that aid given back to them We plan to feature students teachers and parents telling their story of how the program has changed the life of a child They also have many success stories to tell about students that started young and are now in college Hearing the student s story and tracking their progress through school connects the donor to the recipient and sparks the empathy you speak of An amazing organization that you may have heard of is Room to Read establishing thousands of libraries in a number of countries Check out http www roomtoread org Page aspx pid 311 Charity Water charitywater org has a program called MyCharity Water in which you can raise funds to dig a well mycharitywater org this makes a direct connection from the donors to the project Also check out Stay Classy http www stayclassy org which is a San Diego based company that supports nonprofit ffunding efforts They allow anyone not just the nonprofits to create a fundraising event Over in London is an amazing group called Leap Anywhere

    Original URL path: http://blog.steffanantonas.com/how-to-acheive-empathy (2016-05-02)
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  • Dan Pink on The Science of Motivation And The Building Blocks of An Entirely New Operating System - Steffan Antonas
    it s clear that we need a new paradigm Here are some of the best nuggets He says too many organizations are making their decisions their policies about talent and people based on assumptions that are outdated unexamined and rooted more in folklore than in science if we really want high performance on those definitional cognitive tasks of the 21st century the solution is not to do more of the wrong things To entice people with a sweeter carrot or threaten them with a sharper stick We need a whole new approach the scientists who ve been studying motivation have given us this new approach It s an approach built much more around intrinsic motivation Around the desire to do things because they matter because we like it because they re interesting because they are part of something important And to my mind that new operating system for our businesses revolves around three elements autonomy mastery and purpose 1 Autonomy the urge to direct our own lives 2 Mastery the desire to get better and better at something that matters 3 Purpose the yearning to do what we do in the service of something larger than ourselves These are the building blocks of an entirely new operating system for our businesses After presenting the findings of studies performed by leading scientists and economists at the London School of Economics Dan sites some examples of how this new work paradigm is being put into practice in leading firms Worker Autonomy 20 Percent Time and Innovation 20 Percent Time Done famously at Google Where engineers can spend 20 percent of their time working on anything they want They have autonomy over their time their task their team their technique Okay Radical amounts of autonomy And at Google as many of you know

    Original URL path: http://blog.steffanantonas.com/dan-pink-on-the-science-of-motivation-and-the-building-blocks-of-an-entirely-new-operating-system (2016-05-02)
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  • Selfish vs. Self Absorbed - Steffan Antonas
    or self absorbed In a number of cases one term was used as a substitute for the other so I thought I d share my thoughts on why they are different and why the difference is so important when dealing with someone who takes more from you than they give In general self absorbed should be used to describe people who are consistently preoccupied for whatever reason with their own thoughts interests etc and self ish should be used to label people who care only for themselves and their interests benefits welfare etc and behave in a calculated way At first glance these two terms seem identical because the cause is common to both based on self interest and the effect is also common to both results in a lack of connection to or empathy with others The difference however can be found if you analyze intent and why someone is ruled by self interest In most cases we find that almost all people who are consistently selfish are also self absorbed but not necessarily the other way around It s like the old saying a square is a rectangle but a rectangle isn t necessarily a square Self absorbed people who you wouldn t call selfish are simply those that are preoccupied A LOT with what they ve got going on in their brains and hearts in relation to any given situation These people generally cannot override the impulse to think intensely about themselves and are generally the type of people who are prone to heavy introspection and self analysis They also tend to constantly remind everyone around them of their good and bad qualities what they re feeling etc and relate their context to their internal condition without much regard for the dispositions opinions or feelings of others

    Original URL path: http://blog.steffanantonas.com/selfish-vs-self-absorbed (2016-05-02)
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  • The Cookie Jar Principle - Steffan Antonas
    s the best way of addressing the issue Steffan July 8 2009 at 2 13 pm I couldn t tell you how to deal with it without knowing what your relationship with the offender is obviously the appropriate approach is going to have to be tailored to the person and the situation I m a huge proponent of a calm direct approach the important thing is to not wait it out then you re increasing the chances of intensifying your focus on the issue and you risk lasting resentment Nip it in the bud Approach the offender with the assumption that they are happily oblivious and tailor your response that way Know it s going to blind side them and immediately make them feel guilty If you make it clear that it s not a big deal to you now but it might be if it continues it ll instill a feeling of agency on their part it ll effectively feel like an alert that allowed them to head off a situation whether they MIGHT have hurt you rather than a situation where they ve already injured you and are seeking forgiveness two very different positions to a friend who is hearing about it for the first time Put them in a position where they feel aware and have the ability to change their behavior BEFORE they hurt your feelings perception is everything and then you ll change the trajectory of the argument and put a positive spin on the whole thing Give abusive friends an opportunity to make right without making them feel like they ve already gone past the point of no return usually has a positive effect without injuring your relationship Does that explanation resonate with you Fraser July 8 2009 at 2 53 pm Resonates loudly Thanks Dr Antonas Steffan July 8 2009 at 3 11 pm For the record I m no doctor Please see the legal page of this blog lol kevinmurphy July 8 2009 at 11 54 am makes sense it s sometimes hard to determine if the taker is knowingly taking or just plain ignorant of the whole concept of give and take and the mutual rewards that should be derived from the mutual sharing Steffan July 8 2009 at 12 07 pm Absolutely Kevin My point is that if it s not clear it is likely better for our own emotional condition to give the person the benefit of the doubt Assuming malicious intent makes selfish acts feel like personal attacks and opens you up to a whole host of negative feelings etc How you should deal with making the offender aware of how you feel about the situation and what s going on between you is not so easy and should be handled on a situation by situation basis Fraser July 8 2009 at 1 01 pm I agree with this advice And yet I think it s a pill that I can t swallow personally I m internalizing it

    Original URL path: http://blog.steffanantonas.com/the-cookie-jar-principle (2016-05-02)
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  • The Real Difference Between Liberals And Conservatives - Steffan Antonas
    definitely agree with Haidt s statement above everybody has some reasons even if you disagree with them for doing what they re doing and if you can do that that s the essential move to cultivate moral humility and get yourself out of this self righteousness which is the normal human condition But I have to disagree that s ok right with his foundational premise that liberals crave novelty diversity variety travel and new ideas and conservatives essentially crave stability even to the point of hindering or limiting others and I realize I m roughly paraphrasing My basis for disagreement or course comes from my experience I grew up a liberal in liberal Southern California including a graphic arts education at UCLA during an extremely liberal social time I then transitioned to a contrastingly conservative community In addition I have a neurological condition that has resulted over time in my development of strong analytical capabilities and test results of a true right left brain balance This said and having friendships and associations with both liberals and conservatives I have observed that so called conservatives as often as not have highly inquisitive and creative minds and are open to travel and exploration They do tend to order their lives to conform with disciplines they derive from their pursuit of knowledge Liberals on the other hand have a different approach to how they pursue and order knowledge very often relying more on a sense of social connectivity in their interpretation of the world In an extremely broad sense for purposes of illustration my observations are that liberals as a group are more right brained and conservatives more left brained And yet that is not conclusive because outward appearances of these two classifications thus what is generally perceived is a result of the difference in the display of emotions and social interrelationships Meaning simply that people make judgments first on how others behave which can be very misleading because parental upbringing neurological conditions crisis social mores and more can cause a person who in reality has a liberal belief system to appear conservative and vice versa There are many liberal Democratic statesman women who have conservative lifestyles and just as many conservative Republicans who have so called liberal lifestyles So basically I agree with only a few of Haidt s characterizations in the video but I agree wholeheartedly with the quote at the outset of this comment As for me maybe because somehow I ve come to terms with both sides of my brain I believe that conflicts of opinion with the goal of reasoning together is absolutely essential for a person or society to achieve knowledge and sanity The key here is the moral or social humility referred to above along with a sense of freedom so ideas no matter how dumb or brilliant can be expressed bantered about reflected and shaped This is how a child learns best in a loving nurturing environment Wouldn t it be wonderful if we could

    Original URL path: http://blog.steffanantonas.com/the-real-difference-between-liberals-and-conservatives (2016-05-02)
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  • On Persistence - Steffan Antonas
    That s just annoying Persistence is having the same goal over and over Simple Profound Right on the money Published March 16 2008 Author Steffan Antonas Category Psychology Philosophy Published by Steffan Antonas To the readers of this blog This post like all the others should be thought of as the start of a conversation so please share your ideas by joining in the discussion If you do please adhere

    Original URL path: http://blog.steffanantonas.com/on-persistence (2016-05-02)
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  • On the Counterproductive Nature and Irrelevance of Blame - Steffan Antonas
    of Happiness Can Change Your Life For the Better pg 174 illustrates clearly why Blame is pointless especially in a team atmosphere On the whole the fact that Blame is rarely if ever productive is an important lesson we d all benefit from Imagine that you re in a canoe with a friend and there s a fork in the river Your friend convinces you to take the channel on the right Next thing you know you hear the roar of a waterfall What do you do Do you start yelling at your friend Of course not It s counterproductive You paddle like hell for shore Let s say you make it Now do you start screaming That s what a lot of people would do But why You ve paid your tuition a brush with disaster so learn the lesson Blame solves nothing It s counterproductive Irrelevant Dan Baker Ph D Director of the Life Enhancement Program at Canyon Ranch Published July 12 2007 Author Steffan Antonas Category Psychology Philosophy Tags Philosophy Published by Steffan Antonas To the readers of this blog This post like all the others should be thought of as the start of a conversation so

    Original URL path: http://blog.steffanantonas.com/on-the-counterproductiveness-and-irrelevance-of-blame (2016-05-02)
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