archive-com.com » COM » W » WILLIAMARMSTRONG.COM

Total: 328

Choose link from "Titles, links and description words view":

Or switch to "Titles and links view".
  • Fair Retail - Script (scenes 1 - 4)
    I ll thank you to take it away while I m smelling my princess PENNY If you marry the princess I guess I ll have to call you Prince Mark resumes ogling Harmony MARK Just because I marry a princess doesn t make me a prince PENNY Good because I had a dog named Prince and I d have a hard time calling you by the same name especially since the dog turned out to be a girl We changed her name to The dog formerly known as Prince The child gives Mark a copy of the contest entry form Harmony nods pleasantly to Mark as she follows the Crier out of the square The crowd disperses MARK Wow This is unbelievable I never thought I d have a chance to marry the princess PENNY What makes you think you have any chance now All the king s horses and all the king s men couldn t drive this ogre away Do you think he ll just run off when he sees your face I was just kidding about you driving the customers away MARK Sis I have been in love with Princess Harmony since the first moment I saw her but I thought she could only marry royalty some prince from a far off country Now a humble merchant from Domania an ordinary man like me can win her hand PENNY You could also get killed I saw an ogre wrestle a dragon once at the fair The dragon wound up looking like a pretzel in the end And to get to the castle you ll have to go through the enchanted forest of Holly Woods Some pretty weird characters live in there from what I hear MARK You re right I could never fight an ogre but maybe I could make a deal with him I m a pretty good salesman Maybe I could convince him that he needs a big house in Costa Fortuna with a spectacular view of the Curran Sea Anyway I ve got to try If I don t someone else will win my princess PENNY If you re determined to do this I wish you the best While you re filling out that entry form I ll start putting together a backpack for your journey Mark smiles and puts plume to paper MARK Mark Guilderand ten forty Peso Place What s an e mail address pause Oh they must mean chain mail Fade out as Mark works on the form and Penny gathers food and gear Scene Three Lira Palace interior Juan Lira lounges on a chair playing a hand held video game We hear appropriate sounds Juan drinks from a beer stein now and then A hand mirror is face down on a table nearby KRONA muffled voice Juan Prince Lira It s Krona Pick up your magic mirror This is important Juan continues playing KRONA muffled voice continues Juan you little weasel I know you re there Pick up Juan finishes his game Apparently he died in the game He puts down the game and picks up the mirror He uses the mirror like a picture phone Lights up on opposite side of stage to reveal Krona talking to Juan via her wall mirror JUAN Krona you old witch I almost got the world s record playing Super Mario Sisters KRONA normal voice What are you talking about JUAN Super Mario Sisters it s a magical game where these nuns are battling dinosaurs KRONA Enough of that you chucklehead I m going to come through the mirror to you so stand out of the way Juan holds the mirror at arm s length Krona passes through the mirror to Juan s room As she does a lighting smoke effect simulates the magical transportation JUAN These magic mirrors of yours are so cool You can see and talk to each other at long distances and you can even step through them to where the other person is I want one installed in every damsel s room KRONA I can t believe what a slimeball you are I conjure up the most amazing invention the world has ever seen and you want to use it to be a Peeping Tom You can put the mirror down now Juan And don t break it or you ll have 700 years bad luck Juan puts the mirror on the table and starts to pick up the game but Krona slaps his hand Juan leaves the game and steps back KRONA continues King Kudos has announced a contest and the prize is Princess Harmony JUAN Oh good I d like to enter that KRONA You idiot Before this contest came up you were the only possible suitor for the princess Kudos is saying to the world that he doesn t want his daughter marrying into the ruling family of Costa Fortuna In other words he doesn t want you for a son in law JUAN Does this mean that I m not going to be rich and powerful beyond my wildest dreams like you said I d be KRONA No it just means that we have to take action or you re going to have to start working for a living JUAN You said it was some sort of contest Why don t you just arrange for me to win KRONA I could easily rig the contest That s not the problem But to win you d have to be a citizen of Domania Only citizens can enter the contest and you my friend couldn t even get a green card in that country No we need a way to make sure she doesn t marry anyone but you JUAN We could lock her in a dungeon That would take her out of circulation KRONA That s an idea but not a dungeon A woman would be more responsive to a beautiful villa overlooking the Curran Sea JUAN I ve got a beautiful villa KRONA Yes

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/retail.html (2016-04-30)
    Open archived version from archive

  • Glama, Act I, Scene 1 - Script
    at Disneyland I can sleep all day Jeff looks at his clipboard JEFF About half of this week s tour is already put up at the hotel We ve got eleven to pick up here at the airport right now After we re done I m going to pick up Mr and Mrs Evans over at Union Station ANGEL I hope you re picking them up in a Glama Tours van because if they re afraid of flying I can t imagine the white knuckles they d have riding in your car JEFF They re not afraid of flying They just think that train travel is romantic That s all ANGEL Would it ruin the romance to take a cab from the stain tration I mean train station I don t suppose that you picking them up would have anything to do with the fact that Anita s shop is just across the street from the station JEFF I was planning to stop and visit Anita while I was in the neighborhood ANGEL Why don t you just marry her Jeff Make an honest woman of her JEFF Why don t you just drive the coach ANGEL Have you told her yet that you own Glama Tours The whole wall of backs JEFF No And you re not going to tell her either You re certainly not going to tell any of the guests because the tips won t be as good if they know that I own the company ANGEL Wild horses couldn t drag it out of me Wild Turkey maybe but not wild horses I just think she s proven that she s not after you for your money She even rides in your car She s a good girl who has been hurt When that rotten

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama11.html (2016-04-30)
    Open archived version from archive

  • Glama, Act I, Scene 2 - Script
    with baby Could you tell us something about flying maybe TRAVEL ADVISOR The baby s ears will painfully pop when the plane is flying Be sure to take some earplugs along so you won t hear him crying COMPANY Tips tips tips tips Baby yowls Stomach growls Spotted owls Swipe the towels Flying fears Popping ears Souvenirs Tired rears Drivers popping No Doze Sorting all the photos Being a survivor Gotta tip the driver Tips tips tips tips Here are a few of our travel tips FOURTH TRAVELER Fighting for legroom and headroom on airplanes Is frequently cited by some among their pains TRAVEL ADVISOR When airline seats in front of you tilt back in tourist section Just mention your tuberculosis and cough in that direction COMPANY Tips tips tips tips Tourist traps Folding maps Broken straps Frequent naps Baggage tag Hit a snag Get jet lag Air sick bag Crowded in the guest room Looking for a restroom Honeymoon with your bride Gotta tip the tour guide Tips tips tips tips Those were a few of our travel tips Herb March a spry 70 year old man comes up behind Claire Stebbins a feisty fun loving 70 year old woman and embraces her fondly HERB Claire we ve got to stop meeting like this People are beginning to talk CLAIRE Let them talk Herbie Bear kisses Herb But if you want to stop seeing me you ll have to be the one to end it I just can t find a better traveling companion than my little Herbie Bear HERB I don t want to stop I was thinking more of marrying you CLAIRE And where would we live Florida or Delaware HERB I ve got a granddaughter in Charlotte We could split the difference CLAIRE We can enjoy arguing about this for a whole week It ll be just like being married Jeff sees their Glama luggage tags and introduces himself JEFF Hi I m Jeff Carson It looks like I ll be your tour guide on Glama Tours Herb shakes Jeff s hand and introduces him to Claire HERB Herb March And this is Claire Stebbins CLAIRE Let s use first names only Some people are kinda old fashioned they think you have to be married to travel together JEFF First names it is Point out all of your luggage and I ll see that it gets on the coach The three of them exit as the spotlight moves to Don and Susan Richards collecting luggage with their daughter Kelli KELLI Mom you promised that on this tour you guys aren t my parents SUSAN We had to use your real name for the airline and the tour guide needed to know how old you are so he could make arrangements with the nightclub But we re all sworn to secrecy Dear Jeff approaches and introduces himself to the Richards JEFF Hi I m Jeff Carson from Glama Tours Are you Mr and Mrs Richards DON Yes

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama12.html (2016-04-30)
    Open archived version from archive

  • Glama, Act I, Scene 3 - Script
    to the door but stop there and turn around to watch Jeff sweep Anita into his arms and kiss her enthusiastically HONDA You call that talking giggle Jeff stops kissing for a moment and addresses the girls without turning to look at them JEFF Goodbye girls The girls giggle and exit the shop Jeff and Anita kiss again ANITA Now you re talking They kiss a third time Carmen Anita s 40ish co worker enters from the back of the shop CARMEN You two need to get a room sarcastically Oh I forgot it s not Tuesday JEFF to Carmen Hello Carmen to Anita Yeah I can t stay I ve got to pick up a couple at the train station ANITA Afraid of flying JEFF No they just think that train travel is more romantic Anita tightens her embrace on Jeff ANITA Is it more romantic JEFF Unless you re going to Hawaii ANITA I can t think of anything more romantic than that trip we took to Hawaii I m glad you talked me into it JEFF I love you Jeff kisses Anita again CARMEN I think I m going to be sick Carmen exits the way she came JEFF Well like I said I can t stay I just couldn t wait till Monday ANITA I m always glad to see you And I always worry about how you might be satisfying those women customers of yours JEFF Ha most of them are over 60 years old But come to think of it there are two younger unattached women on this tour I ll let you worry about them until Monday ANITA You promised to be true to me for now So I ll believe you for now They just better not be beautiful JEFF One of

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama13.html (2016-04-30)
    Open archived version from archive

  • Glama, Act I, Scene 4 - Script
    and pulls him aside for a private remark DAWN I wonder if you d kind of make eyes at me you know to make my husband a little jealous JEFF Dawn I thought you were a widow DAWN I am but he s always watching up there Dawn points up toward heaven Jeff looks up then back at Dawn Jeff winks and pats Dawn s hand JEFF I ll do what I can Jeff moves to center stage and calls for the group s attention Tony enters unnoticed He gives a Coke and an extra key to Janet JEFF continued Ladies and gentlemen may I have your attention please Let me make a couple of introductions I think I ve met everyone My name s Jeff I ll be your tour guide This is Angel he ll be driving your couch this week You won t find a better driver anywhere And that young man is Tony one of the hotel staff dedicated to your comfort Let me welcome you all to Glama Tours Music begins for Welcome to Los Angeles JEFF continued Welcome to Los Angeles It s fun It s wild and I ll be your guide I can make your man jealous It s easy ladies stay by my side But hang on to that guy of yours At ev ry stop temptation lures He s gonna see harlots and movie starlets Here on GLAMA Tours Southern California The sea and surf will work its romance Don t say I m not warnin ya Against its magic you have no chance So stretch out on that golden sand Where ev ry beach is lifeguard manned If you like bikinis on cute wahinis You ll love LA LA Land Shopping opportunities abound in lovely Beverly Hills Ladies you are soon at ease while husbands only dread all the bills Rodeo Drive Olvera Street At Farmers Market stop and eat Our credit cards free us at gallerias Buy yourself a treat Entertainment capital there s movies music sports and TV You won t need a map at all To see the stars just leave it to me Champions of basketball A famous singer s curtain call From Hollywood moguls to gorgeous show girls We will see them all It can all be yours here on GLAMA Tours Jeff holds up an itinerary as he addresses the group JEFF continued I hope everyone got an itinerary Tonight is Saturday and we re going to see Hollywood after dark Brace yourselves They don t call it Hollyweird for nothing Tomorrow is Sunday You ll have free time until 3 o clock If we have enough people who want to attend the Crystal Cathedral we ll get a van If not I ll arrange other transportation for those who want to go The Farrells are going to Pat Boone s church in case anyone else wants to tag along RUTH Oh Pat Boone was a hunk Sign me up for that MARCY

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama14.html (2016-04-30)
    Open archived version from archive

  • Glama, Act I, Scene 6 - Script
    quakes They spray graffiti on the grime Our neighborhoods are wracked with crime There s gonna be lootings and drive by shootings Have a gay old time ANGEL continues We live in a quiet neighborhood Everyone uses silencers ANGEL continues Shopping opportunities we love to help you part with your cash Stores are filled with loony sleaze where you can spend a ton in a flash The hicks stock up on souvenirs On sale from heartless profiteers They load up on knickknacks while we get kickbacks Let s all give three cheers Entertainment capital we go out on celebrity hunts Don t believe that crap at all I ve never seen a star even once The tourists on the Walk of Fame Don t recognize a single name We take all the crackpots to movie backlots Don t believe our claim It will not be yours here on GLAMA Tours TONY Don t let Jeff hear you saying that stuff ANGEL Any job worth doing is worth complaining about After all it s my job to drive the customers away TONY Oh I forgot Jeff wanted to know if you fixed the armrest on the seat where Ruth Gold sits He said she was complaining that there was a crack in the vinyl that kept pinching her arm ANGEL All fixed TONY I ll tell Jeff Tony exits Angel sings to himself as he tries to get comfortable in his seat for another little nap ANGEL We take all the crackpots to movie back lots Here on Glama Tours Jeff and Ruth enter to board the bus Angel sits up as people begin boarding Marcy slips into the scene and points camcorder at Jeff Lights change to show what she s taping RUTH The pain was in my arm just

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama16.html (2016-04-30)
    Open archived version from archive

  • Glama, Act I, Scene 7 - Script
    She has several bags of souvenirs too HERB Zita it looks like your ice cream cone is dripping Zita looks down at the ground below the ice cream cone As she does the sombrero touches the ice cream Zita looks up again with some ice cream stuck to the bottom of the hat s brim ZITA Whoops Out of the frying pan and into the spilt milk Zita puts some of her souvenirs on the ground She removes her hat and licks the ice cream from the brim and from her cone alternately Other tourists gather around the plaza Folklorico dancers assemble in the center of the plaza Mariachis stand at the edge of the plaza Music begins for Fiesta Musicians and dancers perform for the tourists MARIACHIS AND DANCERS Damas y caballeros Ladies and gentlemen Dicemos bienvenidos We say welcome to our friends Compren regalos y otras cosas caras Es la voz de las guitarras y la luz en nuestras caras Gasten dinero en todas las tiendas Para cosas estupendas o comer en meriendas See our Hispanic pride show its romantic side And take a manic ride where cultures can collide We ll go that extra mile Wear your fiesta smile Party southwestern style Please be our guest a while Compren regalos y otras cosas caras Es la voz de las guitarras y la luz en nuestras caras Gasten dinero en todas las tiendas Para cosas estupendas o comer en meriendas And best of all ev ry day s a festival Celebrating honored guests with whom we re blest Jeff slips into the shop and kisses Anita Lucia and Honda gather around the couple Dancers and musicians finish Tourists applaud LUCIA Mama what was the first word I ever said Anita looks at Honda then back to Lucia ANITA I think it was ouch Tourists filter back into the shop after some tip the performers Claire buys both outfits she left with Anita Janet sees Snowball the cat sleeping on a pillow near the cash register JANET Oh this is adorable and so lifelike Ruth look at this sleeping cat Doesn t it look real to Anita How much is this stuffed animal Do you have any in tabby or tuxedo cat Honda and Lucia run up HONDA Oh no That s Snowball That s a real cat my cat LUCIA No he s my cat HONDA He s our cat JANET Are you sure he s alive HONDA Oh yeah he used to be kind of wild but the doctor fixed him I don t think he can hear anything They didn t fix that He just likes to sleep here on his throne That s what we call this pillow his throne JANET That s a very nice cat you have young ladies HONDA I call him my pussygato Jeff helped me write a song about him Do you want to hear it Music begins for Pussygato Ev rybody ought toh have a pussygato of their own

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama17.html (2016-04-30)
    Open archived version from archive

  • Glama, Act I, Scene 8 - Script
    unmentionables You know what they say in Latin Semper ubi sub ubi That means Always wear underwear JEFF laughs Were you able to find a way to dry your things Marcy appears down the hall and starts her camcorder JANET We did a line in the bathroom and they are still strung out I m sure it ll work out fine and no one needs to know except you me

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama18.html (2016-04-30)
    Open archived version from archive



  •