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  • Glama, Act I, Scene 9 - Script
    lot of fun As my friend Sean would say Veni vedi Velcro I came I saw I stuck around SAM That doesn t explain how you came to own the company JEFF Well you know that Glama Tours aren t cheap SAM I ll drink to that JEFF Most of our clients are well to do and retired Retired and wealthy that sounded like a great goal to me So I asked some of the guests how they got to be where they were I learned how to invest in the stock market I learned how to start my own business SAM Getting money to work for you is the only way to develop financial independence JEFF That s what I found out But most of all I was unbelievably lucky When Clinton took office he threatened to cripple the pharmaceutical industry Health care was the political football I bought drug stocks and doubled my money in five months SAM You couldn t have had much capital to start with JEFF I had my unused college tuition money and my savings from the job My living expenses are almost nil when I m running tours I banked most of my tips and other income My real break came with the Internet frenzy It was crazy I bought technology stocks and sold out before everyone realized that stock prices were fifty times higher than they should have been SAM So you made your first million in the stock market JEFF Something like that Anyway Murray Rosen owned Glama Tours When he retired he sold the company to me I expanded the Asian and European tours because that seemed to be where the growth and the money were SAM You must have been running tours during the Rodney King riots and the Northridge earthquake Didn t tourism dry up for a while there JEFF Don t forget Y2K At the end of last year everyone thought that civilization as we know it would come to an end just because the year changed to 2000 But you know it s funny When there s trouble in the news people still want to travel You re right tourism declines but demand for escorted tours actually increases I ve been very lucky I don t need to lead tours any more but I still love it And I m still learning things from people like you SAM So your life hasn t worked out quite the way you figured JEFF Ha Does anybody s life turn out the way they planned Music begins for Funny How Life Goes JEFF continues You have a thousand dreams And make a million plans But funny how it seems It all comes down to chance Your fortunes are left to fortune There s no telling if you ll get rich Your brilliant investment planning never comes off without a hitch You crave financial advice Because you know that money talks But you re off taking a bath When opportunity

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama19.html (2016-04-30)
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  • Glama, Act I, Scene 10 - Script
    soon as Angel drops us off at the hotel I can get you transportation back to the park MARCY Oh no I think I ll get a rental car and see a few of the local sights JEFF Do you want me to have a car ready at the hotel MARCY Yes I d like that JEFF Will you excuse me a minute I ve got to pick up Anita MARCY Sure I need to make a phone call anyway Marcy steps back to the other side of the trellis so that she doesn t know Carmen is near Marcy dials her cell phone Jeff enters the shop and crosses to Anita JEFF Anita sorry I m late One of the guests was ill We re taking her back to the hotel I tried to call but your phone is turned off ANITA I turn it off on Tuesday so we won t be interrupted Anita kisses Jeff JEFF Mmm good thinking Give me a second to arrange a car for this woman and you will have my undivided attention Jeff makes a call on his cell phone Lighting changes to focus attention back on Marcy She is talking on the phone MARCY on the phone Hey Lynn this is Marcy I ve hit pay dirt and dirt is the operative word There s no doubt that Jeff Carson is some kind of drug lord The weird thing is there s a whole bunch of senior citizens on this tour and every one of them seems to be involved in his drug ring either as dealers or users or both listens It was obvious Last month when we busted that sleazebag Baldwin with a whole supermarket of nasty drugs he had just come back from L A and a week

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama110.html (2016-04-30)
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  • Glama, Act II, Scene 1 - Script
    wrong He couldn t be CARMEN Oh wow you know what I just realized I wouldn t be surprised if he asked you to elope with him ANITA What are you talking about CARMEN If he marries you he has one less worry A wife can t be forced to testify against her husband And during the trial it always looks good to have a devoted wife and two innocent daughters there to drum up sympathy from the jury ANITA You re forgetting I can t testify against him anyway CARMEN Why not ANITA As far as I know he s never done anything illegal He mentioned something about paying some parking tickets once but that s all CARMEN They ought to fine him for littering every time he parks that junker of a car ANITA His car How do you explain that No self respecting drug dealer would drive a car like that CARMEN I don t know why anyone would drive a car like that Just stop and think about it Maybe you re right but what would it hurt to keep your distance for a few days See what happens You can t trust him ANITA It s that Blackball woman that I don t trust She s creepy Even Angel said she gives him the creeps CARMEN I hate to say this but Angel s got to be part of this ring too ANITA Not Angel Why would Angel do something like that CARMEN He s got five kids to put through school ANITA So he gets the money by destroying the lives of five hundred other kids I refuse to believe what you think you heard CARMEN You re in denial You hardly know the man You only see him a few hours a week

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama21.html (2016-04-30)
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  • Glama, Act II, Scene 2 - Script
    problem CHEWFASTA Arrrooo Nnerrr Brrreh Baaahh Butthead HAN It s not wise to upset a Cookie Cookies have been known to dunk people in milk and eat them alive Aside to Luke And this one has a chocolate chip on his shoulder KENOBI Enough How much will it cost to get us out of this place HAN It ll cost plenty It ll take half the fuel on this planet to lift you two tubs into orbit Let s say twenty thousand KENOBI Twenty thousand A ridiculous figure aside to the audience Not the only one in this show to Han It s a deal Let s go NARRATOR And so they set off across the galaxy to save the Princess who is wasting away in a jail cell on the Imperial flagship Inside the Imperial flagship Leia is banging a tin cup against the bars of the prison door She shouts for the prison guards LEIA Hey when s suppertime in this hole I haven t eaten in what checks wrist watch 20 minutes I m not on a hunger strike you know Leia makes a little mock banging of her head with the heel of her hand She realizes that she has a cinnamon roll on her hair She removes it and starts to eat it LUKE Calling Princess Princess where are you LEIA Calling back Luke you re getting warmer LUKE Ha Luke warm Outta my way Kid I m gonna blast the door down Han pushes in front of Luke Shoots pop gun at jail cell Door falls open Leia steps in front of bars and asks Han LEIA Who are you HAN My name is Sandwich LEIA You re my hero Sandwich What took you so long HAN We got caught in the garbage dump Luckily we had Chewfasta with us He ate all the garbage CHEWFASTA Aaarrrggghh rrrooaarr rrraarrgghh LEIA What did he say HAN Oh that was just his stomach growling He s hungry again LEIA Okay so what s the plan HAN Let s split up LEIA We haven t even been on our first date and you want to split up Luke steps in and takes Leia s arm like at an old fashioned dance LUKE Don t worry Leia He and Chewie can go back through the garbage dump You and I can take the romantic way across the bottomless chasm Everyone exits NARRATOR Elsewhere on the Imperial flagship Somewhere on the flagship Evader senses the presence of his old mentor EVADER Obese One Kenobi is here somewhere I can feel the vibrations in the fork and in the floor and the walls and everywhere Kenobi enters warily with his Red Eye whip in hand Evader recognizes him EVADER continues And so we meet in battle I will win easily How can I miss a target like you Evader raises his Red Eye whip can and shoves a 3 foot white fluffy stick out from the end of the can

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama22.html (2016-04-30)
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  • Glama, Act II, Scene 3 - Script
    night JEFF Ah the girl of your dreams ANGEL Not hardly This was a nightmare You know how people are always saying how they want their dreams to come true not me Even when my dreams aren t horrible they re just crazy Music comes up for Don t Make My Dreams Come True ANGEL continues When I was just a little boy I had dreams of nightmare madness Those goblins rose up from a void awash in fear and sadness Those dreams never died They re still here inside So now each and every day I fold my hands and pray Don t make my dreams come true There s the one where you go to church without your clothes And at first no one notices but still As the service progresses their attention grows Soon enough you know that someone will There s the one where you go to school and there s a test And the questions are myst ries every one You are clueless about the first and all the rest It can t be your idea of fun There s the one where you flee a monster s hot pursuit You are racing like your heartbeat and then You are slowed to a crawl by tar along the route You ll prob ly never wake up again There s the one where you fall from a cliff to your death JEFF Enough You re right I don t want your dreams to come true ANGEL What about the one where a carnival witch is trying to flush you down the toilet JEFF You re a sick puppy You need a psychiatrist Or at least cut down on the spicy food just before bedtime Now here comes the group No more dreams Janet and Sam enter JANET Good morning Jeff We really enjoyed last night s show Are they always that entertaining JEFF Every show is different I m glad you liked it Sam what book do you have today SAM Ventriloquism for Dummies Janet and Sam board the bus Zita enters JEFF You have an absolute glow about you this morning Zita ZITA Angel says that you and that señorita Anita are an item JEFF Angel is a wealth of information isn t he ZITA Are you going to marry her JEFF We ll see ZITA She has two children you know JEFF They are both wonderful young ladies ZITA Oh yes they re adorable I ll bet your children would be adorable too Do you want any children of your own JEFF It would be fun trying ZITA laughs Oh there s another thing I wanted to ask When I was shopping at Aloe Vera Street I guess I threw a monkey wrench into the ointment Marcy appears with her camcorder and starts taping Jeff and Zita Lights change to indicate taping ZITA continues You know that pot I got on Monday Could you help me get it back home JEFF I d be

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama23.html (2016-04-30)
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  • Glama, Act II, Scene 4 - Script
    I m dreaming of and I hope that the feelings will stay Can I continue falling in love with the same person day after day JANET People will wait for romance to come never moving til there is a shove Caught way off balance like they were someone tripping and falling in love Love is something you do not a puddle you fall in to Love s not a pit full of quicksand or mud Tripping up victims who land with a thud No love s been my grounded commitment By choice never knowing what quit meant You ve got to roll up your sleeves give it your all Love is what you do not a place where you fall I tell you love is something you do Decide to be forever true Love is something you show not an arrow from Cupid s bow Love s not inflicted by magical dart Randomly fir d infecting your heart No love is your pointed decision Requiring adult supervision You ve got to roll up your sleeves show that you care Love is what you show not a word you declare I tell you love is something you show So go and

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama24.html (2016-04-30)
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  • Glama, Act II, Scene 5 - Script
    deal shouldn t take long Jeff exits Marcy stops taping Lights change accordingly Angel greets Herb and Claire as they enter to board the bus ANGEL Love is in the air It smells like smog but it s love Angel dances up to his driver s seat and sits smiling Claire rubs Herb s neck CLAIRE Wow you re muscles are tight Did you have cable installed HERB What CLAIRE It feels like you have a steel cable in your back Is my Herbie Bear tense today Are you anxious because we haven t decided where we re going on our next vacation HERB I m willing to go to Florida if that s where you want to live CLAIRE Uh oh Are we talking marriage again HERB I love going on vacation with you Claire but we re running out of places to go Why don t we just get married and stay home for once CLAIRE So you want to go to Niagara Falls Music comes up for Been There Done That HERB Been there done that Seen everything there is to see They can keep all of that if you ll be mine Cuz you mean the world to me I tackled Niag ra in a barrel Autographed China s famous wall Spit gum out on the streets of Singapore But you re the greatest thrill of them all Been there seen that Done everything there is to do Yes I ve planted one on that Blarney Stone But I d rather kiss with you I ve run with the bulls out in Pamplona Surfed at Oahu s northern shore Ate kosher in the heart of Arab lands But you re the thrill that I m hoping for Seen this done that Been everywhere there is to

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama25.html (2016-04-30)
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  • Glama, Act II, Scene 6 - Script
    standing at the counter ANITA Jeff I wasn t expecting Angel Ruth Dawn and Zita watch from the doorway as Jeff proposes Jeff goes down on his knee presents the ring and asks JEFF Will you marry me Observers applaud and coo Jeff and Anita notice them for the first time JEFF continues Thank you for the moral support ladies Angel I d like to meet with Anita in private for a few minutes if you don t mind RUTH Aw but this is the best thing on the tour Can I just set the video camera going Angel ushers the three women off JEFF I know this isn t very romantic but I couldn t wait until Tuesday Anita I love you and I want to marry you Will you marry me ANITA Is that a real diamond JEFF slightly confused at Anita s reaction According to the jeweler Is there something wrong ANITA It s just such a large stone How can you afford it JEFF That s something I ve been meaning to tell you Jeff gets up slowly and steers Anita to one edge of the counter She is suddenly reluctant to be touched ANITA Go on JEFF If you re worried that we won t have enough money you should know that I m not just a tour guide I have another source of income I own this business ANITA Oh my God So it s true You call it a business JEFF Well yeah That s what it is ANITA I suppose you think it s all part of the travel business arranging people s trips JEFF Right I try to make their trips special make them feel good and have a great experience You seem to be upset I guess I should have

    Original URL path: http://williamarmstrong.com/plays/glama26.html (2016-04-30)
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