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  • Setting Boundaries with Teens: Sticking to "No"
    with a sigh This sort of scene repeats itself in thousands of houses every day Often when teenagers get an answer they don t like NO they will ask again and again and again And in the process they can wear down their parents resolve and end up getting what they want So how to set boundaries with teens and stick with your No As a parent of three I know that life is often crazy and stressful and the last thing you want to do is make more waves for yourself says Dr Jerry Weichman an adolescent psychologist at the Hoag Neurosciences Institute in Newport Beach California and author of the teen survival guide How to Deal But many parents fall into this pitfall of choosing the short term gain of giving their kids what they want over the long term consequences of the behavior repeating itself I try to work with parents on understanding how detrimental this can be in the long run Setting Boundaries with Teens An Important Life Lesson In the short term it may not seem harmful to gift your child a pair of boots At least her feet will be warm And she ll stop bothering me but constantly giving in to teenagers without them providing ample reasoning for their requests does not prepare them for life It s important for teens to understand early on that they can t always get what they want and that their parents words have teeth says Dr Jennifer Powell Lunder a clinical psychologist in Westchester County New York If you want a job and you don t get it are you going to call up the employer every single day and badger them to change their mind They re going to turn around and call the police says Powell Lunder But how to set boundaries with teens who push back no matter how many times you ve given an answer Staying strong is no easy task and your teenagers know this Kids are extremely smart they ve got a spinning hard drive in their brain that sees where the loopholes are says Weichman Patience helps in these situations The good thing is that behavior is very very predictable Powell Lunder explains It kind of works like a mountain Once you hit the peak it comes down So if you can sit through the no no no s the relentless badgering eventually goes away And the more you practice standing firm when it comes to boundaries with teens the shorter the tirades will be They will see that you mean business and that no is always no Powell Lunder explains Many parents fall into this pitfall of choosing the short term gain of giving their kids what they want over the long term consequences of the behavior repeating itself That said it is important that No does not simply become your default response to every request If you are on the fence about a decision or if your

    Original URL path: http://yourteenmag.com/discipline/how-to-say-no-and-mean-it (2016-04-26)
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  • Excuse Me!?! What to Do When Your Teen Swears at You -
    s a good chance that you understand that they re just trying out new words However when they get to that tween teen age and they use a swear word it feels personal So we start to have this response to it that says I don t deserve to be treated this way by you And there are a couple different ways that kids use swear words One of the main ways that we use a swear word is it slips out when we are emotionally entangled ourselves So just like adults teens use those swear words when they feel at a loss of how to feel empowered So think about the time when maybe a word slipped out of your mouth That s what happens for them as well They feel the pressure of that moment when they don t have anything more relevant to say to plead their case and then it s Well you re a fill in the blank And when that happens we feel attacked instead of recognizing they ve gone over the edge and the emotional upset is just that great Stop Take a very deep breath and you say I don t appreciate being spoken to that way How do we how we respond to that You say to a teenager who has just said Well you re just whatever it is they just said You recognize they are in an emotional state and they re having a challenge right now So instead of joining them in that and giving them your lecture about how you don t talk to me that way and I m not but putting up with that crap from you and perhaps even swearing back at them Stop Take a very deep breath and you say I don

    Original URL path: http://yourteenmag.com/discipline/when-your-teen-swears-at-you (2016-04-26)
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  • How to Get Teenagers to Do Their Chores - Advice for Parents
    sometimes seem more complicated and confusing than you once thought It s smart to work out a plan with your wife ahead of time regarding how you will enforce chores This can be tricky for some parents since every couple is different I recommend finding a mutually agreed upon time to sit down uninterrupted to discuss your parenting goals Life gets busy especially with children in the mix but it s really important to find this time and come up with a plan When speaking about your parenting goals be sure to keep the tone respectful and neutral and to make sure you stay focused on the child Work together to find three common goals that you agree on and then further discuss how you want to make those goals happen For example you could agree to have a set time each day when you prompt your children to do their chores Then agree on how to provide positive reinforcement rather than getting caught up in nagging In the event that you are unable to agree I suggest seeking a professional counselor or therapist who can help you work together to find a compromise you are both happy with Once these goals are in place and explained to your children remember that it might take your kids some time to adjust to the new plan You should expect a learning curve and maybe even a little bit of resistance from your kids Here are some tips that may help you better communicate with them about chores Clear and effective prompting commands When we prompt children to do something it is important that prompts are specific given with a calm and neutral tone and given in close proximity to the child For example Please go clean the bathroom With that instead of giving a long chain of commands or questions we give short more palatable prompts that are easier for the child to follow through on while removing any opportunity for conflict argument or negotiation Positive and frequent feedback As soon as one of your children follows through on the prompts even if he or she is unable to complete the entire sequence of them we encourage you to give ample amounts of specific praise so that your child knows what he or she is doing right For example Thank you for tidying up your room without my asking I appreciate your teamwork This is especially applicable in instances when they do what they re supposed to do without any prompting or reminders When we reinforce a behavior we are increasing the likelihood that it will happen again Giving mild and appropriate consequences when necessary When your children are not engaging in the desired behavior we encourage you to prompt no more than twice After two prompts research tells us that the third and additional prompts have a very low likelihood of compliance If there is no compliance then you are encouraged to implement a mild appropriate and fair consequence each

    Original URL path: http://yourteenmag.com/discipline/how-to-get-teenagers-to-do-chores (2016-04-26)
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  • Am I the Only One Saying No and Setting Limits for My Teens?
    though I doubted and second guessed myself so often wondering Is there anyone else out there who thinks like me Then would come the voice of reason my husband It doesn t matter what other parents say or do We re doing what s right for our kid Why do you care Seems so simple now looking back Why did I care Why did I obsess over so many parenting decisions simply because others weren t doing the same thing It s hard to hear about all the kids who were at the sleepover or the party or the concert except of course your kid Because I didn t want to be the only one It s tough to stand alone But I am still standing and so are my kids My kids survived They are fine All are in college or have graduated with a job I might add They all had friends participated in school activities and each was the captain of a high school sports team yes really even though they missed out on all those high school sleepovers I remember as though it was last week freshman year homecoming A huge fight with one of my sons over the after homecoming after the after party sleepover because of course homecoming and an after party were not enough Seriously you re 15 What is this Hollywood But I digress No We would pick him up at 1 30 a m well beyond his curfew I might add Ugh the pit in my stomach The dread of driving up the after party house driveway to pick him up Ready for the anger complaints Be strong When I asked So how was it The response Eh it was boring Looking back it seems simple Do what s best for your child your family s rules values Simple yes but easy Not so much I admit it is hard to be called the Sleepover Ogre or the Tech Tyrants and those are some of the more polite ones And I m sure it wasn t easy for my kids either But we survived and you will too Seems so simple now looking back Why did I care Something else I ve learned throughout the years You are not the only one There s a silent majority out there who stand with you Honestly they are there They re just well a lot more silent I don t know why we re so quiet Maybe it s not cool to say you have strict rules expectations and consequences for your kid Or maybe they are like my husband and feel it s no one else s business But they are out there I remember sitting in the bleachers for one of my son s high school games and a friend timidly sharing how she wouldn t allow her oldest son to drive an hour to a friend s lake house We offered to drive him but we re not comfortable with

    Original URL path: http://yourteenmag.com/discipline/am-i-the-only-one (2016-04-26)
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  • Consequences to Discipline Teens
    for frank and at times painful conversations that address our family s expectations I have found that when I impose a harsh punishment the anger that my teenager feels can overpower the lesson I want them to learn We end up battling the emotional backlash and losing the opportunity to address the behavior Knowing when to lower the boom and take away a cherished activity or special treat remains the cornerstone of how to discipline teens properly and effectively Brown s nuclear option beautifully describes the dangers in a knee jerk reaction that only increases the disconnect between teens and parents instead of repairing it My girlfriend recently navigated this painful path with her son His behavior had not been meeting her expectations and certainly did not deserve to be rewarded with a planned spring break trip with his closest friend as he was beginning to act out in ways that suggested he was turning away from his parents On one hand allowing him to go on this beautiful vacation seemed to be counter intuitive as if he would suffer no consequences at all for a recent incident of outrageous lying On the other hand she gave serious and careful thought to the benefits of having a hard core discussion with him one that addressed the need for trust at the most basic level and gave a few concessions on both sides to allow for some growth Her ultimate decision to let him travel with his friend and family but with the understanding that conversations would continue regarding his behavior helped to ensure that her expectations about his behavior would remain intact Doing something out of fierce love for our kids doesn t make our decisions bad After all it s not for anyone else to judge how we parent

    Original URL path: http://yourteenmag.com/discipline/discipline-teens-consequences (2016-04-26)
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  • How Parents Can Use Conscious Discipline for Teenagers
    your phone at night instead of You re making me have to take away your phone 3 Focus your intention You need one intention To help your teen make decisions that will ensure safety physical emotional academic social and financial Dispose of any idea that you will make them behave or make them happy Also dispose of any illusion that they will accept your rules without a challenge These are parenting myths 4 Focus on what you want to occur Take curfew What you want is for your teenager to be home at a reasonable hour Work with your teenager in advance to define what reasonable is for that event Conclude with stating the limit and the consequence in very specific terms For example You must be back home no later than 11 p m or you will lose access to the car 5 Stay calm when your teen challenges the limit Because your teenager will challenge the limit and this is the hard part When your teenager does says Bailey repeat your teenager s choices for this particular event You can go to the party and be back by 11 p m or you can stay home Which would be best for you tonight 6 Set a consequence and deliver it when necessary If your teenager doesn t comply with the limit resist the temptation to lecture or lose your composure Reacting with anger diverts attention from the action to you the mean angry unfair parent However if you dole out the consequence with some empathy your teens may leave the situation with angst over the mistake instead of angst over your negative reaction In the curfew scenario a parent could say Our agreement was 11 but you came home at 11 30 without calling I worry that you are not safe when you disregard our agreed upon curfew Next time you will not be able to drive the car You can choose between being dropped off and picked up at the party or not going at all Then I will know you are safe and home at the correct time More Tips for Conscious Discipline for Teens Teenagers should help establish consequences When setting agreements visualize a fence around the issue in your mind For example if the issue is time spent on social media explain your concerns Your teenager may rush through homework to get on social media or be distracted from homework or your teenager may stay up late into the night on social media Etc Define the broad guidelines fences and then discuss the details Once they have shared their own priorities I want to be on social media because my friends are there too the next step is to negotiate You may suggest a phone basket where everyone including parents places phones at a designated hour each night If possible come up with consequences for infractions together When agreements are created together the quantity of consequences and policing needed will be considerably less says

    Original URL path: http://yourteenmag.com/discipline/interview-with-dr-becky-bailey (2016-04-26)
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  • Buh-Bye Laundry - Your Teen Magazine for Parents
    you have kids you may be wondering what this could possibly look like Before you feel bad for me before you wonder how I have survived this let me set the record straight Best Month Of My Life If I had to sum up my life with kids I think it would be divided into two categories laundry and chauffeuring No more running the washing machine daily No more Let me put this on for 10 minutes and now it is dirty items in the basket No more laundry piles in the mudroom for me to trip over as I run back to the third practice of the afternoon Laundry has become a weekend only activity done at my neighbor s house When the weekend s over buh bye laundry see you next weekend Who has been keeping this approach a secret and why How was this not in the mom s manual for keeping your sanity while raising kids My friend has titled her as yet to be written autobiography My Life in Laundry The Drowsy Chaperone Sad but true I am here to say that we moms need to stick together and get together a new book list Bring It On Here are a few prospective titles and their respective genres that I d eagerly snap up Gender Studies Manhandling the Laundry A Woman s Viewpoint Self Help Laundry Back Off You Don t Own Me Social Philosophy If You Like Laundry Twice as Much As I Do You Still Don t Like It When the weekend s over buh bye laundry see you next weekend Business Who Moved My Laundry Basket Graphic Novel L for Laundry Religion and Spirituality What Would Jesus Say About My Laundry Memoir Eat Pray Launder Romance The Fault in Our Laundry Who

    Original URL path: http://yourteenmag.com/parent-humor/buh-bye-laundry (2016-04-26)
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  • The Time I Ruined My Daughter's Yoga Pants - YT for Parents
    My Daughter s Yoga Pants The Time I Ruined My Daughter s Yoga Pants 0 08 Oct 2015 by Meredith Pangrace Did I ever think that I would spend a Saturday morning picking microscopic pills from my daughter s Lululemon yoga pants I went from feeling proud of being a fully engaged dad doing laundry to being soundly reprimanded for ruining a 100 pair of yoga pants by putting them in the drier When my daughter confronted me and after I said I was sorry I calmly asked her what she was trying to get out of the conversation when she approached it in such an accusatory way She ran upstairs and then off to work I can imagine her recounting the story to her co workers Did they gasp and comfort her by telling her that all dads are losers like hers Yet here I am picking these little pills out Maybe I m not a loser but a big pushover Anonymous Dad Read more on this topic The Importance of Dads to Teenage Daughters Namaste The Benefits of Yoga for Teens Prescription Painkillers 3 Ways to Reduce the Risks for Your Teenager About the Author Social Share Leave

    Original URL path: http://yourteenmag.com/parent-humor/parent-stories (2016-04-26)
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